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Friday, November 30, 2007

Partial Audit Report - Mariposa 2007

Things have been well lately. And I can count the ways why...

(1) Yesterday, I had lunch with Tim. He is an old friend of mine. It was nice to see him and talk to him again...

We had lunch at Mikado, a Japanese restaurant since we're both crazy with Japanese food. Talking to him made me miss our past adventures and fun...especially with LTG (the previous company I worked with).

He drove me home after lunch, and this is our picture outside the gate...

(2) Today, I mean just now...I got an unexpected email from another friend, Brandon!

(*) ACE though sometimes his coldness make me paranoid, has always been consistent in making me feel his presence despite the distance.

Today is the last day of November...and I'm happy to have completed the month of NaBloPoMo without missing a day! Yehey! One more month to go and I bid farewell to 2007.

I would like to have an inventory on what I commit myself to this year and see if the month remaining can provide a little room for me to catch up on some things...I have my New Year's Goal for this year.

So we will see how I did for 2007, the following were the things I resolved to do this year:

*Declutter whenever possible. - This is such a challenge...and I should say I have been a mediocre this year.

*Volunteer more. - I have done this in many ways...and I figured sharing my time had been proven to be more valuable than monetary and materials things.

*Laugh more and cry less. - Now, I can't honestly assess this one...but I know I did laugh a lot this year!

*Continue on a path to mental, physical and spiritual health. - I am struggling on this...but yes, I have started the journey...

*Write. Write. Write. - Thanks for NaBloPoMo for making this perfectly possible this month!

*Figure out why I forget how to spell words I have known my whole life. - I still have to find the root cause... :S

*Do cardio at least 3 times a week and not beat myself up if I don't. - I am doing this, every Sunday for 3 weeks now...I fall short but hey...I'm not supposed to beat up myself, right? :P

*Do everything in moderation such as eating green mangoes, drinking Coke, doing shots of Apple Pucker, etc. - I am doing great here...hurray!

*Save money when possible but spend money when necessary to achieve any of the above mentioned items. - I did well here after the word

*Take vacations. - I have not done a lot of this for this year...I hope next year will allow me more time.

*Use the word fuck less, but actually fuck more. - I still curse...though not as much...and for the other one...I still have a month right? And October was high a high ranking month... ;)

*Be a good friend, daughter, sister, aunt, gf. - Good friend, I have been...daughter?..I think so...sister?..moreso...Aunt? topic!

*Not take myself too seriously. - I am trying so hard...

*Remember that I no longer work for LTG and that alone makes my job great. - I just can't agree on this right now... :(

*Act silly. - Naturally? ;)

*Try new restaurants. - Did this!

*Learn something new about people around me. - I am! And what a nice experience...ACE is a living proof!

*Tell people how I feel. - ACE tell them please what I told you... :X

*Do something that I am afraid to do. - Finally did it! And now I'm afraid to stop it and let it go...

*Wear clothes that flatter my figure not clothes that are trendy but look awful on me. - Always depends on my mood...but if ACE would be around always...maybe.

*Dance whenever possible. - We had our dance and it was lovely...god I miss you...

*Practice random acts of kindness. - I don't miss this one...

*Cook more for people I care. - I cook almost every weekend for the past 4 months now...

*Stop wishing I was famous and enjoy who I am. - I already did. Don't know why I wrote this here in the first place...

*Read...and not just Sunstar or blogs. - Well, I'm still stuck with your beautiful blogs!

*When people ask me when I am getting married thank them for reminding me. - Now, I just LOL!

*Give up on the idea that I am secretly a super hero or will come in to an astronomical amount of money that will allow me to quit my job and travel the world. - Okay fine.

*Take more pictures. - Yes, I have been taking pictures...a lot of it!

*Try to remember sun screen. - Always do!

*Get manicures and pedicures whenever possible. - Lately I have failed on this...but overall, I think I have pampered my nails...

Now, I have a month to work on my compliance...I am hoping of coming up with a longer, better more relevant list for the next year!

Thursday, November 29, 2007

A Woman

One favorite hobby of mine is collecting sayings and quotations. And I have been doing this for the past 20 years. As I was going through an old notebook, I found this one. This is from the Hebrew Talmud. It's a book where all of the sayings and preaching of Rabbis are conserved over time.

"Be very careful if you make a woman cry,
because God counts her tears.
The woman came out of a man's rib.
Not from his feet to bewalked on.
Not from his head to be superior,
but from the side to be equal.
Under the arm to be protected,
and next to the heart to be loved."

Reading this line, makes me think and smile...

I smile because it reminds me of us. "Us" is a world only I and him understands. It is bounded by infinite space and time. And within the confines of our own bubbles, not only he made me feel we are equal...but more importantly complimentary (just as complimentary colors essentially make one another stand out), needed and wanted yet, protected and loved.

With him, I am a woman, a girl and a friend, rolled into one.

Happy HNT everyone!

The Pink Dress

Last Sunday, in my entry My Hectic Sunday, I mentioned that I bought a pink dress...well, here it is...

the Pink Dress...

the bow at the back...

pretty in Pink...

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

In Being Organized and Efficicient

What an ideal world it would be if we all were perfectly organized, and thoroughly efficient. All things that have to be done would be done, and people would go about their lives with clockwork precision. There would be a regular monotony of course, but after all, who needs unpredictability, huh? (is that what it's like to live in Germany, land of faultless proficiency??? JOKE!)

Anyway, being painfully human is part and parcel of all our lives, and I must say I admire a person who set targets, defines schedules and meets his goals unerringly. However, I would not want to be that person. Yes, you heard me, no way! I think the spice of life, and the reason why I enjoy being me, is that I am asymmetrically impulsive, wittily hedonistic, and delightfully optimal in the effort I put into life. How do you approach your life?

Let me leave you with a line from George Orwell's classic Animal Farm;

~ All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others. ~

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Watching You Go Is Like Spying On Hope

I have wasted most of today and my day started last night. I woke up at around 10 pm somewhat knotted from a restless night of what you could only call sleep. I was at work since 11pm til 8am. It is now 2pm and I am sitting here in my favorite coffee shop with a cup of of my favorite machiatto. What I did between 8 a.m. and 3 p.m. is still a mystery to me.

I can be somewhere right now but I would rather be here. I cannot call the person I most want to talk to. Well, I could and I am sure he would be happy (not sure though if she would be but only because he would think that a phone call from me would mean more than "a call." He would think that it meant that I also wanted to...whatever...CRAP.

But my short-term happiness or momentary comfort (as I would rather call it) maybe is less important than our long-term sanity.

I was rude today. God, I was rude today. And that was to put it mildly though. Was he hurt or not is immaterial, because I know I was RUDE to him. Heartsinsanfranciso said it well when she said something like "Brute force closes hearts really fast." Though it was in a different context, I just feel the line jumping out from the screen. Then, the line struck me again..."I do block you...". Did he say that because I was hurting him? Or because my rudeness was born out of me being hurt? I wished I was just too dumb not to know what he meant by it...or too caloused not to think what he meant by it. The sad part is I know it was a decision he had to make, a sound and logical decision. And it only takes few hours for me to question if I still agree on that decision...and if he still want me/ us back. And I am having a hard time thinking about it without crying...but I know he made the right decision. I made the right decision.

I know that if I went back, we would relapse into what once was. Nothing is really different. I think our relationship would be more tense. I have a hard time with weakness. I crave strength around me. He has more physical strength than anyone I could date but he lacks the emotional strength that I want.

Fuck. I do not know if that is it, either. I guess, it is like this: I am a highly functioning neurotic mess. That might be a bit strong, but that is how I feel sometimes. I have these insecurities and irrational thoughts that I can brush aside to live a seemingly productive life. I am quite industrious and there is not much that I let get in my way when I want something. I reserve all of my irrationality and insecurity for my alone time--mostly. I am slowly, but surely, getting to the spot where I talk to other people about what's going on inside my head, too. And most of the time with him.

The point. I'm not all that strong emotionally and neither are some men I'm attracted to. I and others have figured out how to get past it at some point, though. And while many of us continue to struggle with it, it does not control us. It does control him.


Maybe I'm lacking personal goals. What the fuck am I living for right now? What am I working toward? What do I look forward to? Where am I headed?

Fuck if I know.

Was this different before? Yes and no. He and I had goals together. Yes, we do have our own bubble and yes, we did try setting goals together. Making a home for us and for our future children. Hell no, not with him. Making each other happy. Yes, we tried. So really. Nothing is different. Except that there is no us. So. It's different.

Staring at my coffee, I wonder, what's my mission? I've had this on my mind for awhile. Not in so many words, but a similar thought. (The mission part comes from the work section of my brain.) Before this moment it was more like: what the fuck am I doing here (here is Earth, my workplace...our bubbles)?The answer? I have no fucking clue.

These are the times when it feels like it would be easier if I believed in an afterlife. But I don't. And not until I have a personal experience that proves otherwise, then it will stay that way.
Where does that leave me? I don't really know.

I do know that I'm floundering a bit. Still.

I also know that I have been floundering personally for most of my life but what got me here won't get me ... to the next spot. I have to change. I have rarely, if ever floundered professionally (including school). I didn't have a choice or too many of it but the choice was so unappealing to me that I wouldn't allow myself to take another road. I was bound and determined to do what I want, get a degree, and get a job that would make sure that I would never have to rely on someone else for food, clothing, or shelter. Okay, I did that. Now what?

I have to redefine my life. Redefine where I'm going and what I'm doing. I arrived at a professional destination and I think I'll stay here for awhile longer. Or maybe not.

I just need something else in my life. Something to work toward. A Balanced Scorecard for my life, if you will. I just wish I had a good vision for where I'm going so that I could set goals that...whatever. I guess my vision...or what I want to be when I grow to be someone who enjoys the time I'm here and does so without regret.

So what do I need to get there?

(1) I need to be physically healthy.
(2) I need to be financially secure to provide food, clothing, and shelter.
(3) I need to be fully informed.

That's the foundation I need to be happy. Sort of like my own condensced hierarchy of needs. Without those three things, the rest doesn't matter.

Alright, so that's what I need.

What do I want? What are the common themes I want in my life?

(1) People--strong relationships with those who make me happy by making them happy.
(2) Exploration--emotional, sexual, and geographical.
(3) Challenge--intellectual and physical.
(4) Comfort--physical and emotional.

Hmmmm...we'll have to work on this a bit. I'm not sure. I guess just consider this a draft.

Oh. I know there's one other thing.

And I could use a little good old fashioned hope.

What Kind of Meat is Mariposa?!

I left work early...and I'm in my favorite coffee shop...getting lost in BLOG land.

I'm restless...killing time is always hard to I'm trying some online quizzes...and I got this one from
Suzel's Sass.

Exotic and unusual, you are a bit of a rare bird - literally.
You're known for being soft and succulent, though at times you can be a bit greasy.

Mariposa, the Social Worker?

I took this from Courtney, and some of it, if not all, are true...

You Should Be a Social Worker

You are deeply caring and empathetic.
You are able to take on other people's problems as if they were your own.
Sensitive and intuitive, you understand human emotions well.
Helping others gives you the most joy in life. You feel like it's your purpose in life.

You do best when you:

- Have a lot of responsibility
- Greatly impact someone's life with your work

You would also be a good philanthropist or stay at home parent.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Mariposa's Seven Habits

I am starting my week with this Meme which I got from are 7 things about La Mariposa...

1. Cotton Candy anyone?

This is one childish thing I still do as an adult. I love cotton candy. I eat them after Sunday the mall...and about anywhere...regardless if I am in my business outfit or Just love it...specially the pink one!

2. I crave for something bitter!

Yes, there are moments that I crave for this dreaded taste...I drink beer for this reason. And I drink ampalaya (bitter melon) juice on a regular basis because of this cravings!

3. I love listening to Music!

I can listen practically any type of music and get lost with it! I can even live without TV as long as I have my iPod (or, anything that gives me music...) Internet is another issue though... ;)

4. I'm a BLOG addict! And nobdy knows this! :D

5. Things I feel naked without are...

...lipsticks/ lip gloss and earrings! Yes, I just feel so incomplete and not done yet without these...and I can't remember when this started.

6. I love sunglasses!

Wearing susnglasses is a Mariposa signature! This is next to my lipstick/ lip gloss. I just can't imagine going out without it, unless, there is no that would have been more alarming... This has gone worst to the point that my Optha told me to stop wearing them once in awhile because it is affecting my eyes already...

7. I overused/ misuse/ abused my cellphone!

How? Let us just say I have maxed out its uses and features...I play online games on internet on it...use it to chat/ text people all over the world...and worst...even if I am facing a landline but it's beyond reach, I, most of the time is too lazy to get up to make that I use my cellphone...and I don't track my talk time... This is something I need to change asap though because my bill is overheating!

Wow, it took me awhile to finish...can't decide what things to share...they are just so common to me that I can presume all people are doing them...

To everyone, happy Monday to you and wish you a productive and exciting week ahead...

Sunday, November 25, 2007

My Hectic Sunday

I woke up at around 4AM, and in 10 mins I was already at the Oval of the City Sports Complex doing my jog...

There were lesser people today though...maybe it's the cold weather...or maybe I was just too early... I did 6km only today...and some few kicks...I was not really in a nice mood.

Then, I had breakfast at McDonald's with Yummy...

At around lunch time we had to go the mall to buy some stuff...and hahaha, as always I end up shopping for items I don't really need.

I bought things for my nephew...some christmas decors...plenty of it actually!

Then, I got myself a pretty pink dress...which cost me about an arm and a leg...I said about becase I don't completely agree with Yummy that it was expensive, it was just too pretty not to cost anything...but I want to count his I said..."about". :P

I am going to do the decor in a few minutes...and will try to post some pictures... Need to gather some strength first...being stuck in the mall for more than 3 hours is no joke!

And for my Unconscious it goes...

1. Filthy :: pigsty?!
2. Therapist :: can be a help or a sand
3. Duck :: cute
4. Slant :: lean back...
5. Artist :: Madonna
6. Lease :: something long term
7. Wish :: my Christmas wish list...
8. Doormat :: of all the things....I want this to be clean always (for some reasons!)
9. Global :: world wide web
10. Apartment :: I have never lived in one...but something I have wanted to try... :D

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Memoirs of the Night

I have three elements to my night. The stillness, a breeze, and YOU. An empty canvas stretching away in the darkness of time, to be filled by the solitude of the night's silence, fuelled by a gust of hope in the name of a breeze, followed by the firm yet gentle touch of your hand on my shoulder.

I looked up, and stare at the black velvet dome of the night sky spattered randomly by little dots of white with ever-changing crystalline edges, an ever-growing bubble of empty thought through which memories made and memories to be made zip across like little cars with little people in them, rushing to get to their little jobs, to make little money, do little things and find little happiness. And I feel your bubble bumping mine, sometimes urging and sometimes asking. Sometimes it feels strange to be all alone, but not quite alone, and yet still alone.

Under the cover of darkness, your eyes bore into mine, and mine into yours, asking questions that were never meant to be asked. And from your voice, and the way your lips feel on mine, and the curve of your cheek against my palm, I wonder what your face is like. The words you say trickle and gather in my mind, and sparkle like light spring rain puddling on dry, cracked earth. As my hands meet happily around your back, my head blissfully resting on your chest. In the tranquil vigil of a hushed night, your spellbound breathing matches my becalmed pulse, a lone drummer playing his metronomic mezzo-staccato beat.

After the glaring accusations that daylight points at us, we seek refuge in night's folds, starcrossed by the anxious, probing eyes of those who bear us ill-will. In the detachment of the darkness, when we walk down the dusty streets, winds whistle our names in rebel songs. And though the sounds of the night should make us anxious, it's really much too late when the fear is gone. Often we fight, wary that our bubbles not get too close, yet even more often we hold each other close, content in the seclusion of night that we are afforded then everyday.

In the appraising light of day we try not to be judgemental, and accept that we are what we are. The aura around you envelops me in a very different luster during the day. The beguiling approach of sunset comes as a pain balm soaking through the dull, lifeless pain. And by the time night has completely covered the proceedings, we hold each other close, and smile again. I kiss you a gentle goodnight, and lay back to look through my mind the obsidian quartz sky, my arm on your chest, with your scent filling my bubble, our hearts talking to each other in an unknown pulse language, making up for another day gone by in almost anarchic indecision.

Friday, November 23, 2007

Mariposa Turns Two Years Today!

Time is like a high, it does tend to pass you by!

It's two years now since I started blogging...

Most of it has been a rush, there have been a few downs...and blogging is definitely one of the better things I have done over the past years.

A big and warm THANK YOU TO ALL for your support. Comments are always welcome, but even when you don't comment my statcounter tells me that you have been here... And it is a nice feeling to know that I am talking to quite a few of you out there!

Over time I have made numerous new friends, and learned lots of things as my journey here continues...

I started off with one blog, and wasn't really sure then I would be able to update it regularly. I have always been a bit of a chaotic person, and routines really bother me. With the blog however it's been fun, and I feel under no pressure to post regularly. Of course when that day comes then it just might be time to move on!

once again thank you all for coming by, and hope to see more of y'all in the future!

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Counting My Blessings!

Today I resolved to stop my blues and start counting my blessings...

So, here are my blessings...

(not necessarily in order of relevance)

Gift of Life/ Health
- My faith
- My health
- My capacity to perform my chosen career
- My gift of forgiveness (yes I do...and when I say I forgive, I forget!)

Gift of Family
- My wonderful parents
- My loving and well-humored brother, with the new members of the family, my sis-in-law and 3 month old nephew whom I adored...
- My wonderful cousins...thanks for being my angels!

Gift of Love
- Yummy! My ever loving and supportive bf, friend, confidant, protector, advisor, and wings...not only you make me fly, you help me soar!
- New found friend -- Ace (you made/make/want to me see the other side of everything and you inspire me in many ways you can't imagine!)

Gift of Friendship
- My friends who are always there for me no matter what!
- My patient doctors...thanks for taking care of me and making sure I don't stay in the hospital nor visit you always... :D

These and more...


Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Broken Wings

"You can't think your way into right living...
you have to live your way into right thinking."

Last night I had to cry myself to sleep. Why? I am battling with something right now. Depression? Betrayal? Pain? Fear? I don’t know. They seem to be strong words...but it could be all of them.

Right now, I am just devoid of thoughts and pregnant with emotions! So today, the butterfly does not want to flutter around yet...I want to cocoon...and maybe when I can find the words, when I have the words, hopefully, I can blog what happened today...and maybe I will be over it...or maybe not at all.I just feel so torn into pieces right now...

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

This Tuesday Makes Me Think

Every once in a while, I sit down to think. It's strange, and makes me ask if I'm just getting older and that's part of it, 'coz dammit I find myself thinking a lot these days...and I think about decisions I made in the past, look back at them, usually with mixed emotions. As much as I have decided to live by "no remorse, no regret"...there are just some things I have done that I do regret, and have slowly conditioned myself to forget...the very same things that don't let me be both peaceful and happy at the same time.

So when is the day whe I can control both happiness and peace in my life?

In yet another one of those intense thought sessions...I have thought about whether it's all about the flash...or about the stable? I always wish I could have the best of both worlds. The eyecatching, debonair 'flash'...or the solid, trustworthy 'stable'. Will I be the happy-go-lucky butterfly who frittered away the whole summer in pursuit of nectars...or the hardworking ant who toiled stolidly away all along, and the only one left hale and hearty when winter blew around? Am I the persevering tortoise who carried her cross all the way...or the glory-seeking hare that pranced all over, but faded out into nothingness?

So here I sit, first split, then torn...on the choices that I made, and will have to make in the days ahead.

Then, somebody whispers...

...just go in peace and be HAPPY!

Right, I will do exactly that. Wish me luck!

Monday, November 19, 2007

Six Sigma of Occupation?!

I't s a rainy Monday today and I have nowhere to go...nothing to do...and I can never be a cheerful girl on a Monday morning was already a past so I had to preoccupy myself and something that can cheer me up aside from my cereals....

And so, I was reading blogs...and I got to Don Quixote and he pointed me to this SITE.

And I agree with NERDALERT (Don Quijote) they are funny...

My profession had been outranked by gangsters?! LOL

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Last Song Syndrome

This is my second week to jog...I had covered only 6 kilometers today...but I was able to do so many stretchings and I did throw some kicks... I have not done any 45 kicks for months now and it feels so good to be doing them again...yes, I was into Taekwondo before...and my can guess!

iPod and Yummy had been a very good company to me today...they made the 6 kilometers bearable and my kicks inspiring, and speaking of music...this is the song that has been playing in my mind the whole day...

Drive by Westlife

It’s easy to fool around it’s harder to keep the faith
But I wanna settle down no matter what it takes
If I ever break your heart if I ever do you wrong
I hope I never give you cause to doubt where you belong

If a million miles were between us
I’d want you to know

If I had to drive all day take that flight
Across this ocean I’m coming home tonight
Don’t let it play on your mind
Cause my devotion is for all time

Some people want it all some only want the fun
But I’m here to let you know that I’m all about the love
Some people let it show some people wait too long
Well I’m gonna tell you now that you’re always number one

If a million miles were between us
I’d want you to know

If I had to drive all day take that flight
Across this ocean I’m coming home tonight
Don’t let it play on your mind
Cause my devotion is for all time

If I had to drive all day take that flight
Across this ocean I’m coming home tonight
Don’t let it play on your mind
Cause my devotion is for all time

Saturday, November 17, 2007

The Morning After

I lie there awakened by the muted rays of the morning sun peeking gleefully through the blinds, dancing across the ceiling boards. You sleep on peacefully, nonplussed in your quiet dreams. I almost stop breathing so as not to disturb you, as you tucked me in cosily against the curve of your shoulder, arm draped across your chest. Your naked arm is gently sculpted, more wax than stone, muscle tone slightly defined and skin velvet to touch. I raise my hand and run the outside edge of my thumb slowly up your arm, the back of your hand, the little bump on your wrist, sliding up the arm and the curve of your elbow.

Is it so strange that when everything flies by us so fast and furious, that we seek each other to anchor in reality? When my crazy ideas have threatened to run wild you have reeled me in to see sense. When my unbounded ambition has started to soar away you have grounded me down to be real. Is it really so strange that two people can understand each other so perfectly, yet not be together?

That morning is unique, yet mundane in its unprecedentedness, for there shall be no dawn like the one after the first night. In this light of daybreak we shall never see each other the same way again. You will forever be my first, and I always yours. And in that passage of night, we knew that everything had evolved, and yet nothing had changed. Dare we really say that let whatever comes, we will keep our covenant? That we will be one, in my mind and heart despite the distance? Who gives us the right to make such sweeping pronouncements of interminable proclamations with faces aglow and hearts alight?

You imperceptibly nudge into my thoughts, your serene face nuzzling into my neck and your sleepy lips whispering unintelligible words to the pillow fluffed up under me. Like polaroids of life, the scene becomes a snapshot confined to history. I slide my fingers through your hair, unlocking the tangles of life's mysteries the night comes and hides as you sleep. As your eyes start to flicker with awakening, I wonder what dreams have been unfolding on the picture screen of your mind. But most of all I stare at your still-closed eyes, hoping to see your first look as you awaken.

Every day we meet people; sometimes we meet new people, sometimes the same people. And in each meeting, like bodies in space swirling about and whirling with gravitational fields, we influence each other. We go through life looking to revolve near a planet that spins with us, whose moons sow the least discord and reap the most joy amongst our moons. I hold you tight, hoping that our moons have asserted themselves and come to an accord. So brown they must be true, your eyes slowly open. A reflection understood; one day there'll be no will left to fight, but for now we're going to be alright.

Friday, November 16, 2007

Quotable Quotes

T. G. I. F. !... Continuing the Friday Five Tradition

This is something I got from manonica.

So here are my answers....

1. Would you rather be everything to everyone, or something to someone? (Javan)

Thinking out loud, I have two honest answers for this one...

(1) I want to be everything for Yummy and
(2) something for Ace...

but to be eveything for everyone...I can't be.

2. Does a fall into a ditch make you wiser? (Chinese proverb)

If making me learn to check the depth of the ditch and the width to make sure the next time I fall I would know what damage I would be getting can be counted, then I would say yes, it makes me wiser. I will never avoid it though...I will just make sure it ain't gonna cause me the same amount of harm like the last time...

3. Which is better to give your son: a skill or one thousand pieces of gold? (Chinese proverb)

I will choose skill.

4. Do you agree that winning isn't everything... but it's the ONLY thing? (Vince Lombardi)

The moment we decide to win to decide otherwise is for me winning in itself, depending on which perspective we are looking it at. So, maybe in that aspect, YES.

5. In order to be a realist, do you have to believe in miracles? (Henry Christopher Bailey)

Considering or putting aside realism and pragmatism, I would always say YES I believe in MIRACLES.
So many things have happened in my life and through my highr and lows, what had carried me through today are little miracles everyday that I have enjoyed and embraced.

Current Music: To Be Loved by Westlife
Current Mood: Missing someone terribly...

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Intoxication on a Thursday

The spirit in you and the spirit in my glass come together as one. Together they whirl about like tiny tornados that tear up my halcyon world and toss it away like a child throwing a stick with gleeful abandon. Words cannot describe the energy you infuse in me, and the surge of life you inject into my calm demeanor whenever you come around.

I hold you close, and sip from your cup of love, rolling my tongue around the smooth silk, breathing deep the heady aromas that rise from the tumbler and go straight to the head. Your alluring smile draws me into your mystical web, and ensnares me with velveteen, enveloping arms. Your touch warms me from the inside, and your cold fingers chase tiny shivers that grow into a rumbling quake that leaves me befuddled and bemused.

You engage me with electrifying fire, burning me up with passion and fuelling me to highs where there's only sheer white light, soft on the eye, and a rush to the blood. And just when we can't soar any higher, can't have any more, the bottom falls away and I dive down into a clammy grey, arms spread wide and wind screaming past my ears I fly. The clouds come up to meet me in a tantalizing hurry, as if time were rushing out from a broken hourglass. I reach out and taste you again on a numb tongue and insensate mouth, an enthralling kiss getting lost in the midst of a swirl of flashing memories and luscious smiles. With a roar the surf breaks over me, and lands me on the beach, feeling the sand drawing away from between my fingers as the rip tide pulls away and another wave crashes into me.

On the euphoric plateau stern resolutions are waived, and promises meant to be broken are made. The more I have, the more I want. The tempting taste of you lingers in my hungry mind, and the unceasing desire to make more memories, to seize the unwilling day and rattle the placid night. The spirit is willing and the flesh submits again, yearning for platitudes to quiet the savage being within.

I reach out my hand and touch you, drawing you closer. My rapt, spellbound gaze only broken as you lean into me, and hold up another glass.

So much with that...

HAPPY HNT everyone!

Note: Sorry that I have to embed this word in the photo...somebody suggested it to me. :D

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

How Do You Talk To An Angel

I got this meme from WritingWrongs, and thought of trying it.

Here is how it's done. Set your Mp3 player on shuffle and write the title of the first song that comes up as an answer to each question, never mind it makes sense or not...

Against All Odds by Westlife and Mariah Carey

Stars by Simply Red
(this leaves me thinking...)

Reasons by Earth, Wind and Fire
(maybe the title makes sense, there should me a reason for me to like...)

How Can I Fall? by Breathe
(I'm actually asking myself right now...)

Two Steps Behind by DEF LEPPARD
(sure, I'm just two steps behind...this is so me!!!)

She's Always a Woman to Me by Billy Joel
(I will be honest, this made me smile!)

I Will by Beatles
(I'm touched...I wanna cry...)

Evergreen, by Westlife
("...I'm gonna take this moment, And make it last forever"...more like it! lol)

WHAT IS 1+1?
Heart of Mine by Boz Scaggs
(I don't know how the equation was done but I got this answer!)

P.S. I Love You by Beatles (Jackpot!)

And I Love Her by Beatles (Amen.)

Hands to Heaven by Breathe (maybe...)

American Pie by Don McLean (Why???!!!)

Devil in Her Heart by Beatles (...not again!)

Don't You Break My Heart Slow by Vonda Shepard (Not really!)

Help by Beatles
(I guess this is not a secret...we all do need this once in awhile...)

Up, Up and Away by The Fifth Dimension

Because by Dave Clark Five
("It's right, it's right to feel the way I do, Because, because I love you"...hhmmm)

Windmills of Your Mind by Sting
(I love this song, but I don't think this describes me... :P)

How do you talk to an angel, by Heights

I guess by now you can imagine my music mix or kind of music...and obviously, I love Beatles!

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

My Blog Rating?!

I got this from Courtney, and so I tried it.

I'm not sure if I should believe the rating, my blog is rated my two different sources as follows;

cash advance

I'm not sure if I should be happy with this one...does this mean, the contents are all wholesome to be read by an elementary student, or it is like written by


And I doubt if this is accurate at all, unless, they did not consider my older posts...

Monday, November 12, 2007

Unconscious Mutterings - Week 249

My second week with Unconscious Mutterings...

Here it goes;

1. Treadmill :: something I have not done for a month now...
2. Stroke :: can happen to anyone anytime...
3. Exclusively :: just us... :D
4. Lash :: yarns....?
5. Red carpet:: grand...elegant
6. Credit card :: shopping, shopping,! travel! travel!
7. Points :: miles?!
8. Domestic :: home, familiar
9. 21 :: summer solstice
10. Inject :: needles!

If you have not tried it, you may want to take a look and try it, here is the mechanics.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Sunday Walkathon

Just got home from a jog! I have not done it for a long feels sooooo gooodddd!!!

My friend and officemate Wini and I decided to jog this weekend and finally, we made it today! Actually, we did some a walk in between...or we will collapse!
We started at 4:30 in the morning...

Having coffee at McDonalds while waiting for her...
We covered around 8 kilometers...not bad for our
So you wonder, what is our kind? Well, we are call center professionals, and we do support for US market so our operation hours are in the evening...yes, we are like bats...and not only that;
...we have coffee at midnight lunch at around 2AM
...stay at the office for at least 10 hours long
...get hooked to our pc for about 85% of the time
...and other conditions that would qualify us for self-abuse!
Overall, this is a very productive weekend for me. Didn't expect this since I had hay fever the past days...
I usually do lazy Sunday, but since today started so well, I think I will hit the mall after lunch...and do a little shopping...
Have a nice weekend everyone...
Edited: This page has been edited...some pictures were removed.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Gap Analysis?!

when the distance seems to increase with time
my days turn into nights, then to a blank space
nothing is wrong, yet everything is not fine either
grating, like a pulled thread in a border of lace

as the fire within still burns, lighting up the line
my fingers remember the curves of your face
cheeks tinged deep with the flush of rhum

this feeling's not for everyone,
can you define what it means to feel this way without a trace
this enigma of being and yet not being mine
i'm running hard but not keeping up the pace
what i want is not always what i can get

the gap is a void that's not always offset

Friday, November 09, 2007

Formula For Peace

This is to echo Chani's Blog Blast For Peace...

The world would be better off, if people tried to become better. And the people would become better, if they stopped trying to be better off. For when everybody tries to become better off, nobody is better off. But when everybody tries to become better everybody is better off. Everybody would be rich, if nobody tried to become richer. And nobody would be poor, if everybody tried to be the poorest. And everybody would be what he ought to be, if everybody tried to be what he wants the other fellow to be.

Thursday, November 08, 2007

It's Thursday!

I wanted to do Thursday Thirteen but I find this one quite interesting, so I opted to do this instead.

This has been passed on from different bloggers and obviously, some lines were deleted in the process cause there are only 8 currents, and 7firsts...


Favorite Color: Red and Black

Favorite Food: Sushi
Favorite Month: December
Favorite Song: this is tough because I have a lot of faves...but topping them is Windmill Of Your Mind
Favorite Movie: Gone With the Wind
Favorite Sport: Basketball
Favorite Season: Summer
Favorite Day of the week: Saturday
Favorite Ice Cream Flavor: Mocha
Favorite Time of Day: 5am/pm - 7am/pm (I love sunrise and sunset!)


Current Mood: Lonely
Current Taste: Sweet and Sour
Current Clothes: A pair of slacks, a blouse and a coat (working clothes)
Current Desktop: 2006 Steelers Super Bowl Victory montage
Current Toenail Color: Pussy Red
Current Time: 11:35 am
Current Surroundings: my bedroom
Current Thoughts: I need a massage.


First Best Friend: Georgelyn (in my elementary days...)
First Kiss: SJI
First Pet: Einstein (my favorite dog!)
First Piercing: ears
First Crush: Frank (my classmate in fourth grade!)
First CD:When CDs came out, I got myself The Phantom of the Opera


Last Cigarettes: 3 days ago
Last Drink: Last Thursday
Last Car Ride: 2 hours ago, was on my way home
Last Kiss: Today, from my Mom! Real one...few weeks ago
Last Movie Seen: UltraViolet
Last Phone Call: About an hour ago?
Last CD Played: The Chicago Story by Chicago...was listening Hard Habit to Break


Have You Ever Dated One Of Your Best Guy/Girl Friends: Yes
Have You Ever Broken the Law: Yes, mostly traffic laws...
Have You Ever Been Arrested: No.
Have You Ever Skinny Dipped: Yes ;)
Have You Ever Been on TV: Yes
Have You Ever Kissed Someone You Didn’t Know: No


Thing You’re Wearing: Right now? A slip on dress
Thing You’ve Done Today: Worked
Thing You Can Hear Right Now: my cellphone ringing, and I'm not answering it! :P
Thing You Can’t Live Without: Lipstick
Thing You Do When You’re Bored: Blog/ Listen to Music


1. Office
2. Bank
3. my Doctor's clinic (yes, I don't feel well...)
4. Kul (where I and my good friend Wini eats everyday...)


1. Yummy
2. Wini
3. SJI


1. Be on TOP
2. Be on HIGH


So I guess, this also reveals some things about me, addressing more or less the goal of Thursday Thirteen...and before I leave...allow me to say....

Happy HNT everyone!


Wednesday, November 07, 2007

A Good Day

So much to do, so little time...

Today was a good day because the meeting though it lasted for almost 2 hours, it afforded me some good laughs.

Today, though I got to work late and had to get several things finished in less than an hour was good because when I said that something, the person I said it to understood.

Today, though it is the middle of the work week was good because when I said it and the person understood it the ultimate results were exactly what I was looking for.

Tomorrow is Thursday...will I do HNT or try digital thursday?

Five days to go and I will have answers to my questions...if I do get to ask them anyway...five days to compose my questions...five days to paraphrase and rephrase them...five uninterrupted days to prepare for that dreaded and yet anticipated unexplained silence...

For what am I talking about here...only a part of me understands.

Some details were deliberately omitted, some details were accidentally omitted, and some details were neither deliberately nor accidentally omitted. We call those details “included.”

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Finish This Sentence

One day, I woke up and realized ________.

Monday, November 05, 2007

The Perfect Man

"there's just no one that gets me like you do, you are my only, my only one"

I was supposed to do this like weeks ago, I know this came a bit late, but here it is anyway...

Rules of the game

1. The tagged victim must come up with 10 different points of their perfect lover.

2. Gender of the lover has t be specified.

3. Tag 8 victims to join this game & leave a comment saying they've been tagged.

4. If tagged again, there's no need to post a 2nd time.

I know I've had a similar list since I was young though but I can't seem to find that notebook right now but I imagine that my list hasn't really changed much since...

This is my concept/ idea of a perfect man:

1. Open-minded
I need an open-minded guy who doesn’t judge people by little facts that they know about them moreso by their appearances...

2. Conversational
I talk a lot but I also don’t like to feel like I’m the only one talking. A guy who is able to communicate with me his thoughts openly and eloquently...someone I can discuss any topic under the sun...
And also, I have figured, that if I will spend the rest of my life with a person, that person must be somebody I love to talk to at least...or I will go insane!

3. Smart/ Witty / Intellectual
I always believe that the sexiest part of a man's body is the brain, so a guy whose brain I admire will get me under his spell. He should be an intelligent person whom I can learn new things from. Somebody who is using his smarts to get somewhere in life.

4. Sense of humour
There is that saying that life is already too serious to be taken too I would love to be with a guy with a very good sense of humor...somebody who is wacky and goofy and witty enough to make me laugh at any given circumstance...

5. Musically Incline/ Loves Music
I love music! I tend to like guys who shares this passion with me... Music speaks to me, so if he can speak to me through music...I would be in an awe!

6. We Dance to The Same Rhythm
I need a guy who shares with me my philosopy in life.

7. Loves Me
Need I say more on this?

8. Attractive
Beauty depends on the eye of the beholder...but I have some clear standards on this like, he should be at least 5-6 inches taller than me (bec I wear about 2 inches heels most of the time), nice eyes...nice nose...and nice hand, clean nails...fingers and toes! :P

9. Sexual Compatibility
This goes beyond the bed...this is something that only a part of me knows what I really mean by this...but then, when it happens, I would know and I always tell the person.

10. The X Factor
I like a guy who stands out from the rest....something like, a part of him screams to be different from the rest...the kind where when he says or does a particular something can make me smile and think "that is just so him" and at the same time be amazed and amused all over again...

I don't really like tagging, so whoever feels like doing this can do this.

Sunday, November 04, 2007

Unconscious Mutterings - Week 248

It's my first time to try this, I am hoping this will keep going...

For those who are not familiar with it, this is the mechanics.

I say ... and you think ... ?

1. Assets :: my brain...and butt?!
2. Concern :: career and family
3. Over the top :: moments with Ace?!
4. Supplies :: lipsticks!
5. Mustache :: a thing in the past?
6. Doug :: Nickelodeon
7. Coach :: don't need one right now
8. Bleachers :: when I'm passive
9.Stripes :: B1 and B2 (in Bananas in Pyjamas)
10. Assortment :: order or disorder

Note to Yummy

"You are the reason I am,
You are all my reasons."

P.S. My hay fever is taking away my weekend, I have to stay in bed the whole time and I just got up to post this. I hope everyone is enjoying their weekend.

Saturday, November 03, 2007


I decided to join this National Blog Posting Month and hopefully, it will preoccupy me with some positive things...

Though it seems I'm a day late...just excuse me on this please...after all, I'm ahead by some hours due to location... :P

For the whole month of November, I commit to posting an entry here everyday...and try my very best to make them at least 80% positive/ productive post...I hope the threshold I set is not too low...but then, I want some realistic goals for myself...

Friday, November 02, 2007

It's Worth It

What I mean when I say, it's worth it.

It was nice and short-lived, very momentary yet, it leaves me with lasting memories...time was something we did not have, but we had always tried to take time in everything we did. And how I love our paradox!

I'm never good with comparisons...I never compare feelings across time, so that each moment is built to last me a lifetime. I believe, I can never go wrong with my choice of partners, or should I say,in general, I believe no one ever makes a mistake in their choice of partners.

As almost always, my choices are dictated by that essential moment in time, the way I felt then, even if they are not appropriate now. Regardless of the options I had before me, that final choice was the only one I felt capable of accepting at that single moment, for whatever reason.
So, whenever any of my affairs (oh geesh, why am I calling them such?! and do I have a lot?!) are outed, I don't bemoan them as mistakes, for to do that, is just derogatory and insulting to people involved.

Lately, for whatever reason, I have been constantly seeking happiness through personal reinforcement, affirmation, significance and value because one of my overriding need in life is to be accepted and wanted. When it is missing through a lack of attraction, being taken for granted, being ignored or simply falling out of love, I seek it elsewhere.

My actions are always dictated by one primary factor, the way I FEEL at that moment in time. Feelings and emotions control me, even when I am being detached, and that is why, no matter how upright and conservative I am in actions, some things, somehow releases my inhibitions and the feelings I try to suppress. But I cannot apologise for who I am.

The best thing I figured, is to learn from it and move on. The consequences of the choices I make, whether positive or negative, help me to shape my individual development and experience. It is thus pointless living in a land of regret, beating myself over the head because of unplanned detours I made in my life. I cannot make excuses for past action I cannot change, because the very act of behaving in that manner will have actually influenced and shaped the person I have become.

No experience in my life is ever wasted!


My October ended with a sad note...I got so pissed at work and turned so sensitive and melow dramatic that I cried the whole night...but I'm over it. I hope.

For the Halloween, well, I feel I just had the most productive 48 hours of my life for the past months...and I mean family/ personal wise.

For Nov. 1, I decided last minute to go with my Mom to Bohol (a nearby island) to visit the tomb of my Grandpa...and to visit Grandma as well... So at 10 Am, we were sailing already...hit the road after an hour and a half...was at Grandma's home by lunch time...and sailed again at around that we were back home in time for dinner!

For Nov. 2, we drove south of Cebu, to visit some relatives and got back home again at around dinner!

It was fun, and I have all the details in my mind...but my head is still spinning with excitement that I coudn't write much about it!

I did miss spending time with my family...and driving south of the island is always a pleasure!