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Thursday, November 05, 2026

Memoirs of the Three Words (A Waiver, Whispered to the Moon)

Dear reader, what follows is a memory that never happened. It was forged in the quiet hours, spun from longing, starlight, and one very stubborn imagination. Any resemblance to real hands, real voices, or real goodnights is the work of a heart that daydreams fluently. Treat it as a love letter from a universe that doesn't exist, yet somehow still knows my address.

The night had not yet decided what it would become. The silence lay stretched out like a half-finished canvas, a breeze stirring at its edges, and the stars were doing their usual spattering across the black velvet dome, little white dots keeping their little secrets. Then you said it. Softly, almost carelessly, the way one sets down something too precious to hold any longer. I love you. My bubble, so carefully inflated and so fiercely guarded, trembled as yours drifted closer. I did not answer. I only breathed and let the words puddle in my mind like light rain on dry, cracked earth.

And then the night folded around us. The distance between our bubbles dissolved without argument, and what remained was a language older than speech. Your hands traced maps across my skin as if they had always known the territory. My fingers learned the curve of your back, the warmth of your shoulder, the quiet urgency of your pulse answering mine. Somewhere above us, memories zipped across the sky like little cars with little people in them, rushing to build little lives. But we were not rushing. We were unhurried, we were generous, and every touch was an offering. We gave and we received until there was no telling which was which. Joy arrived the way dawn does, not announced, just suddenly everywhere. You said it again then, breathless, not as a question or a plea, but as a fact, as plain and certain as the dark. I love you. And the words were no longer sound. They were warmth, and they moved through me like light through water.

Afterward, the stillness returned, but gentler, softened by what we had made. My head found its place on your chest, your breath keeping time against my pulse, that lone drummer slowing his mezzo-staccato to a lullaby. We lay tangled in the afterglow, skin still humming, laughter drifting out of us for no reason at all, the purest kind. Tenderness wore the room like a second blanket. Then, in the hush, when the spell could have thinned into ordinary silence, you said it a third time. Quietly, into my hair, with the same certainty. I love you. It is easy to say those words when the heart is racing. It is something rarer to say them when everything has gone still and there is nothing left to prove. That is the one that undid me.

Now the days have moved on, but the words have not. They linger in the pause before sleep. They hide in songs I never meant to replay. They drift through my mind on quiet evenings, soaking into the dull places like a balm at sunset, and sometimes I catch the ghost of your breathing in the rhythm of the rain. I have learned that I love you does not behave like a sentence. It behaves like a season. It arrives, it rearranges everything, and long after the leaves have fallen, the air still remembers.

So, I lie back beneath the obsidian sky, my bubble a little softer, a little warmer, still faintly humming with the shape of your voice. Three times you said it. And somehow, it is still being said.

Kumusta Ka, Papa (Today, I Miss You More)


Today, I miss Papa more than usual.

I miss him so much that no amount of tears and no string of words can make sense of the ache in my heart. It's the kind of missing that sits in your chest and stays, quiet and heavy, all day.

I miss having someone in my corner.

Papa had a way of telling me I was doing fine. And on the days I wasn't, he told me that was okay too. He reminded me that I could make mistakes, because making mistakes is human. I didn't have to win all the time. Most of all, I didn't have to fight all the time.

I didn't know how much I needed to hear that until there was no one left to say it the way he did.

Right now I'm listening to his song, Kumusta Ka. I picked the FPJ version on purpose. I had no idea FPJ could sing until Papa played it for me. In the same way, I had no idea Papa could sing until the day he sang this song himself. I can still remember being surprised, and I can still remember his voice. Every time the song plays, it feels like he's asking me the question himself: Kumusta ka, 'nak?

And honestly, Pa, I'm trying.

I miss you every day, but today I miss you more.

I wish you were here to tell me everything will be okay. I wish you could do it the way you did when I was little and got hurt, when you kissed the pain away and somehow, it really did stop hurting. I'm older now, and the hurts are bigger and harder to explain. I still wish you could kiss them away.

What I have now are your words, your song, and the way you loved me. I carry them with me. When things get hard, I try to hear you saying it's okay to rest and okay not to win, and that I'm doing fine.

I hope I'm making you proud, Papa.

I love you. I miss you. Kumusta ka na?

To anyone reading this who is missing someone today: you're not alone. Some days the grief is louder than usual, and that's okay. It's love that has nowhere to go.



Monday, November 02, 2026

Undas: Where Faith, Family, and Filipino Tradition Meet

 

Every November 1 and 2, my family goes home to remember. 🕯️

I grew up going to the farm in Bohol with my parents, carrying flowers and candles and listening to the grown-ups trade stories in the warm afternoon. As a child, I thought it was simply a family reunion with good food. It took me years to understand that I was being taught something sacred: that love does not stop at the grave.

Today, I am the one leading my son Sam to Cebu to visit his Grandpa's tomb. He never had the chance to meet him, but I make sure he hears the stories. This is Undas, one of the most cherished traditions in the Philippines, and for our family, it is a promise we keep every year.

The Faith Behind the Tradition

In the Roman Catholic Church, the two days carry distinct meanings:

  • All Saints' Day (November 1): Honors all saints, known and unknown, who have attained heaven. It is a Holy Day of Obligation, and Catholics attend Mass to celebrate the communion of saints.
  • All Souls' Day (November 2): Dedicated to praying for the faithful departed, especially those believed to be in purgatory. Masses, rosaries, and prayers are offered for their rest.

Both days rest on a beautiful belief: the bond between the living and the dead is never broken. The faithful on earth, the souls being purified, and the saints in heaven remain united in prayer.

How Filipinos Observe Undas

Every family adds its own warmth to these sacred days, and ours is no different:

  • Visiting the Departed: Families travel from cities and abroad to return to their hometowns and visit the graves of loved ones.
  • Cleaning and Decorating: Tombs are cleaned, repainted, and adorned with flowers, usually chrysanthemums and sampaguita.
  • Lighting Candles: Candles symbolize prayer, remembrance, and the light of eternal life.
  • Praying Together: Families pray the rosary, recite novenas, and attend Mass at the cemetery or the parish.
  • Sharing Food: Meals are shared at the cemetery or at home, turning the day into a reunion filled with stories and laughter.
  • Pangangaluluwa: In some regions, an older custom where people sing from house to house, asking for prayers for souls in purgatory.

Why It Matters to Us

For me, Undas is where Filipino values come alive:

  • Pagmamahal sa Pamilya: Love for family extends beyond the grave. My Papa, my Tatay, and my grandparents are still very much part of our stories, our table, and our laughter.
  • Paggalang: Respect for those who came before us is taught through action. Whenever I see kindness around me, I am reminded of Papa, and I glow with pride to be his daughter.
  • Pananampalataya**: Faith gives us comfort that death is not the end, but a passage toward eternal life.

Passing the Tradition On

Now there are three little ones in our family: Sam, who is 8, and baby Maple and Simon, who are 2 and 1. They may not fully understand yet why we light candles or why we speak softly beside a tomb. But they are watching, just as I once did, and one day they will understand.

My hope is that they carry this tradition in their hearts and pass it on to their own children. Because Undas is not just a visit to a gravesite. It is a gathering of generations, a quiet act of faith, and a reminder that love, respect, and family endure until eternal life.

Eternal rest grant unto them, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon them. May they rest in peace. Amen.

May the souls of the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace. Amen. 🤍

Saturday, October 17, 2026

Extra Shot

The warmth in your cup and the warmth in your eyes come together as one. They swirl like caramel folding into steamed milk, slow golden ribbons that unravel my quiet Thursday afternoon and scatter it like loose change. Words cannot describe what you stir in me, the soft electric hum you pour into my steady, careful world the moment you sit down beside me.

I lean in close, and sip from the cup we share, letting the sweetness coat my tongue like melted silk, breathing deep the bittersweet steam that rises and goes straight to my head. Your teasing smile pulls me into your orbit, and wraps me in something softer than words. "So this is how we taste each other's lips," you laugh, and the joke hangs in the air between us, bright and trembling, until the laughter thins and the quiet moves in.

I stand before you, so close that the café dissolves at its edges, the hiss of the espresso machine, the clink of spoons, the ticking clock all blurring into a distant tide. I almost forget how to breathe. My pulse becomes a drumbeat against my ribs, and every second stretches thin as spun sugar, as if time were pouring itself slowly from a broken hourglass.

Then your lips meet mine, and the world tips. The kiss is caramel and warmth, sweet at first and then deeper, a slow current that pulls me under and carries me out where the light is soft and gold and nothing has edges. My hands find you. Your cold fingers trace a shiver along my spine that grows into a rumbling quake, leaving me befuddled and bemused and wholly, helplessly willing.

And just when I think we can't drift any higher, the floor falls away and I'm falling, arms spread wide, wind roaring past my ears, a soft and glorious fall into clouds that rush up to meet me. The kiss deepens. Your hands in my hair, your breath against my throat, my name sounding different in your mouth, softer, like a secret you've been saving. We move together the way the drink did, slow and golden and warm, until the afternoon melts into evening and the evening into something even softer, and the world beyond us becomes a rumor we no longer believe.

When we finally part, it's only by an inch. We breathe each other's air, foreheads touching, grinning like two people who have stolen something beautiful and have no intention of giving it back. The sweetness lingers on my tongue, and the hungry part of me, the part that never learns, already wants more. Promises meant to be broken are whispered and believed completely, for now.

You reach for the cup, lift it to my lips once more, and smile.

Of course, this is only a memory imagined, a fragment from a writer's wandering imagination, a daydream dressed up as a recollection, with a café that may never have existed and a Thursday that belongs entirely to fiction. 😉

Friday, October 16, 2026

I Brought a Pillow Fort to a Hug Fight

The unofficial sequel to "The Grief That Wears a Smile," now with 100% more pouting


Plot twist: that moody little post I wrote about grief wearing a smile? It was also wearing a very dramatic trench coat. 🕵️‍♀️ It was honest, it was heavy, and it was only half the story.

The other half? I was worried. Not poetic, candlelit, staring-out-the-window worried, but the restless, helpless kind that has nowhere to go. And here's what I figured out: worry is exhausting, because it keeps you standing at attention with nothing to fight. Wallowing, on the other hand, comes with a blanket. So my heart, being the clever little troublemaker it is, chose the blanket. I wrote the post, hit publish, and called it grief.

Then came a conversation that cleared the air, and suddenly my dramatic masterpiece felt a bit like showing up to a picnic in full armor. I thought about deleting it. I really did. But I left it up, and I still can't tell you why. Pride, maybe. Curiosity, maybe. A tiny, sneaky test I didn't admit to myself, definitely.

Because I was waiting for the reaction. And I had prepared, of course. I expected the argument, the cold shoulder, the "excuse me?" I had my pillow fort built and my defenses stocked like a kid bracing for a lecture.

Instead, I got pulled closer. No speech. No scoreboard. Just a calm little comment and a whole lot of warmth. I showed up ready for a battle and got handed a hug instead. Honestly? Rude. 😅

And the funniest part is that, deep down, I'd been trying to find reasons to like that person less, as if a few flaws might make the worry hurt a little softer. Spoiler: it backfired spectacularly. Nothing makes you fall harder than being met with kindness when you were behaving like a prickly little cactus.

So here's what I know now. Sometimes the sulking, the sarcasm, and the suspiciously timed posts aren't anger at all. They're just fear in a brat's costume, whispering please don't go in a very unconvincing villain voice.

My old post said, "Let yourself feel it, even if no one else understands." Here's the sequel: sometimes someone does understand, and the bravest, softest thing you can do is let them hold on.

Even if you were being a brat about it. 🤍