I'm Just Human

...and I'm entitled to be pissed!

I am fuming...and to say I'm pissed would be putting it mildly!

I am pounding my keyboard so hard typing every letter of this post...and yes, I want the world to know how upset, mad...in state of disbelief and denial on how many stupid people surround me...and you can include the IT Guy on the list...better yet, make him at the top!

Fuck!!! Fuck!!! Fuck!!!

Anybody who can't stand foul language...please stay away from my site...because I am just not able to control myself right now.

What will it make a man who confirmed to you as early as mid of November that he is going on a freaking looooooooooong leave about a week before Christmas! Now, Dec. 25 - Jan. 1 is a long holiday here...no work, yes, you got that. To have a week of extra leave for a week prior to that would be awesome or too much! But IT Guy said, he needed to avail of those because those are forced leave...meaning, he had exceeded his number of leaves...yup, yup, that's what happens when you intend to marry your fucking work! You get so much extra leave...and leave the people who cares for you dry!

CRAP!

Tonight, I opted not to eat dinner at home becase we (yes, the IT Guy!) were supposed to do some errands for our Christmas project and so we might as well dine out. Now, on the way to the mall, he told me...this --

The strategic plan scheduled for tom to Friday will not push through!

I said, great! You don't don't have to go out of town anymore...so when will it be...

He said, it's moved...not sure!

Then, after several chats...he goes, Mr. X called me up, and he was asking me if Dec. 21 - 23 is fine for strategic meeting...I said I have no problem! And Mr. X commented...yeah, because your're department is done.

Okay....

But, holy wow...his department is done...but WAIT! HE is freaking going that Dec. 21 - 23.

First off, what is that bullshit line on good for him you're done has to do with the schedule when he has to attend it, eh?!

Second, whatever my opinion is on the said schedule, why say, I have not problem, when he had filed his leave for those days!!!

Lastly, what is going on?! In my entire career I have never seen such urgency and importance for an organization, moreso, government, to do a STRAT PLAN on a Sunday before Christmas...and end it 24 hours before the Christmas eve!

What irritates me more is, IT Guy seems in a shock that I frown at the idea? Then he has a very big problem!

Mariposa: Well, if you don't mind working on Christmas...then marry your freaking work!

Mariposa left the building...took a cab...head to work!

I'm at my desk...hungry...realizing I have only so much in my wallet...because I forgot that my ATM card is with him because I asked him to withdraw for me earlier...and I also forgot to ask for the cash...

Lesson learned...stay away from people who'd rather fuck their desk at work...

Drive your own car...or bring a driver...or whatever and don't rely on just his car!

And lastly, always check the content of your wallet, because cabs don't take credit cards! CRAP!

And yes, IT Guy comes here...but don't worry, he only comes here if I force him to because I did a post for him...he thinks it's a waste of time...even my emails, gets to be read last!

I will never delete this post...and will publish this for sure...and may this day be a reminder that for ALL of you who thinks I'm blessed, I'm NOT!

This is not the first time this happens...

[EDITED]

IT Guy and I just had dinner and coffee...he came to the office. He was waiting for me outside...and he stood there, looking at me, and then he said -- "I'm sorry." He does not do that often! And of course, I went on ranting...and he said "I'm sorry.". Then, he said, he is not going to the STRAT Plan because his team is done with it...

Though I'm not deleting the post above (because I mean them when I wrote them!) I'd say here...that we're fine...and we're cool! I've been without B Complex for 3 days now...I ran out...so he was kidding me about it! LOL

Yes, it's not the first time this happened...but they say, the beauty of conflict lies on the reconciliation...that is one thing the IT Guy and I have in common, compassion towards each other...no one plays hard ball against the other party. If one is sorry, he/ she is forgiven. After all, whatever course we take and go through, at the end of the day, we know where we stand in each other's lives. I never had that kind of thing with my past lovers!

Today, I Mourn

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was as his birth records were lost long ago in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn't always fair and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job they themselves failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Panadol, sun lotion or a sticking plaster to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, churches became businesses and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live after a woman failed to realise that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents Truth and Trust, his wife Discretion, his daughter Responsibility and his son Reason. He is survived by three stepbrothers: I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame and I'm A Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realised he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

Oh how I miss you so dearly, and most terribly at work!

If you have time, please visit my Wordless Wednesday entry at Mariposa'sWW.

The Depths of Depravity

There is a book I once read that asks the question,
"What's the most depraved type of human being?"

The answer might surprise you,
“The man without a purpose.”

I agree with that statement completely.

I do not have a clear purpose for this web site nor this particular post. I am just ranting...

You could say, right now, my mind is adrift and at the mercy of random feelings and unidentified urges and can be quite capable of some incredible evil thoughts.

I am totally out of control of certain parts of my mind.

I think I am going to be exploring those parts of my mind here.

Do you want to explore them with me?

I also think I am looking or searching for something out there.

Unfortunately, if I find it, I am not sure what I will do with it.

Don't Pee On My Leg And Tell Me It's Raining!

It becomes difficult to blog when my mind turns to mush. And work is slowly turning my brain to mush. The more I try to figure things out, the more confusing it makes things.

I have of course always assumed that SHE was the way SHE was, just because SHE enjoys torturing me. While this may still be the fact, our most recent incident leads me to believe that SHE is not so much evil as SHE is In-Fucking-Sane.

People do try their wings once in awhile, that is understandable and anybody who passed through adolescense would know that.

But if people try their wings on you, what are you most likely to do? Or should I say, what are you supposed to do?

The wind in my sails was deliberately, and visciously tampered with last night. The part that makes it the worst, is that I know it was on purpose. Worst still, is that I let it get to me. And get to me it did... damnit. (I know I have my ways with words...)

So I tried to get into details in a hope of fixing the problem. What a false hope it was. To top it all, I got a long list of details, facts, or should I say, derailed details, mutated facts rub down my throat...and they expect me to believe that. WTF?! Grow up people!

I wouldn't be Process Improvement Manager (something that you can never do in many years) had I been born yesterday. You don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining...

I hope I am wrong but my logic has yet to fail me...

So, if you get your ID with all the correct information on it except your department and your designation and they tell you it's just a minor lapses and it only happens to you...well then, you just got peed on!

If they tell you getting another color code for your ID to represent your independent department is too much and impossible, you just got peed on!

When those who call themselves authorities on issues and subject matters stand up and try to tell you 'Thus saith the Law' and there's no internal witness or fruit to what they are saying, you just got peed on!

When an authority uses control, manipulation, and scare tactics on you and tells you it's the protocol, you just got peed on!

Keep singing, "Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head" if you want to!

Well enough is enough, don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining. That is the greatest insult you can bring to yourself.

Instruction Manual

I hate changing cellphones from time to time. It takes me really a long time to know how to use it and getting use to it.

All my friends, especially my brother and Yummy always tell me to read the Instruction Manual. That is something I don't do! He he he! I fall into the trial and error category...if it works, great, I guess it right, if it doesn't, damn the person who made the gadget, so user-unfriendly!

Then I wonder, what if humans has Operation/ Instruction Manuals, what would be mine? For sure, for Yummy it would be a dumb-proof, very short, easy-to-understand manual.

So if Yummy came with an instruction manual, it would be short and simple and as follows;

1. Feed him when he is hungry.
2. Always make sure there is coffee for him. He loves coffee when he gets cranky.
3. Always make sure he has clean shorts, undies and socks all the time. Lack thereof makes him panic.
4. Sleep with him. Give him a bj once in awhile!

Smile at him every once in awhile and he will flourish. That simple. And if he reads this, he must be laughing hard now, knowing this to be true.

On the other hand if I came with an instruction manual, it would be as thick as an encyclopedia and might have the following chapter headings;

1. Reading Her Mind: An Essentail Tool and A Guide To Survival
2. How To Tell What She Is Really Feeling, Thinking and Faking.
3. I'm Fine - What She Really Means By It
4. Right Answers To Difficult Questions
5. Why She Hates Repeating Herself
6. How To Respond When She Says...
7. When She Wants Something Done - Tricks Behind Timing
8. Do's and Dont's - It's That Times of the Month
9. Changing Her Mind- How To Plan For it
10. It Is Always Her Prerogative - Getting Used To It
11. Sex All The Time
12. She Can Paint The Sky Red Because She Knows It's Blue- Whatever She Means By It

This edition may need to be updated and expanded at least twice a year!

Maybe now you get the idea how complicated (difficult? bitchy? cute?) I am. :)

Flesh

strange thing is
i do think its beautiful
i really do


i love curvy hips
rounded shoulders
full breasts
soft, flat tummies


but when my own body
puts on flesh
its so fuckin hard
not to want to take it off


its never how it looks. i honestly think i look closer to pretty when im not a stick.


it just
feels like
im weighed down
anchored
trapped
inside
real


im 94 pounds


its the heaviest ive been in years
and part of me feels
proud


but
the alien voices are loud
again
huh?


the ones that dont belong to me


and
fuck


i dont want to eat today :(