Good Old Days

 ...sometimes they sneak out of my eyes 

and rolled down my cheek!

Missing Papa so much!

I wish you all a very memorable Wordless Wednesday!

Gong Xi Fa Cai 2012!

Gong Xi Fa Cai!

恭禧發財

It's the first time for the past years that I will be celebrating Chinese New Year away from the IT Guy.
Schedules are quite difficult for us as I just had a long weekend with the Management Team. I'd say one of the best weekend I've spent. Our work session was a success!

2011 was a very challenging year yet full of promises. I hope 2012 will bring more returns.

To all of you who celebrates Chinese New Year, I wish you all good health, happiness and prosperity.

To IT Guy who sent me all the food I need to complete my evening...thank you very much!

Cheers!!!

Merry Christmas To All!

Today I got the best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other. While we miss Papa so much...we're still able to celebrate Christmas in honor of his memory.

I wish everyone a Merry Christmas!!!


May God continue to bless you all...

Saturday Morning Reflection

I am three hours early for my flight to Cebu.


The airport is strategically located in a way that people waiting for boarding are able to enjoy the sunrise. I was just staring at the sunrise few minutes ago...and while sunrise is a thing of beauty to be enjoyed, today sunrise was different. It allowed all the sunken sadness in me to surface. I have never been so sad in my life. I have never felt so lonely...at least not in the past years. 


While holding back tears I decided to take my laptop out and blog. This blog has been my sweet refuge and it had carried me through for years now...so I'm here pounding the keys...with whatever that comes to my mind...just to have something worthwhile to do...other than being sad.


I am going home to be with my father. And every time I think of him and his illness I can't help but ask God why. I know there is always a reason for everything...but I have to be honest, I still have yet to find His reason for giving Papa his illness. My friends are telling me for everything there is always a reason to be grateful...and they all tell me I should be grateful that this happens in a time I can afford it...and it has nothing to do with finances at all! I have friends who are very supportive and a boss who is just behind me all the way. All these mean so much to me, yet at times when I am alone, in moment like this, it seems that no amount of comfort in the world can make me feel better. Just NOTHING.


I am not afraid of death. I am learning to let go. But I cannot bear seeing my father suffer. And if only I can share his pain I would. But I can't...just not possible. 


All I can do is pray and hope that he gets to have peace and accept what he has, without fear....without blame...without the whys... I want him to be ready.


And what was said in the movie Go Towards The Light that "It's the hardest thing anyone could ever have to do, to help someone they love die." How do we make a love one face death without pain, without fear and ultimately without us?

One Miracle...

I knew something was wrong...

I haven't seen Dad so tired...I haven't seen him weak...and in 2 week time he had grown old so fast.

I have been in several stages of denial...nothing could be wrong. Maybe just one of those days. He had 4 executive check-ups for the past 18 months. Had there been something we should have seen it. The doctors would know...

Yet, all this does not convince me at all. The nosebleeds, the fatigue, the edema, the sugar level...these things are not good signs combined. So I called my Mom and told her to have Dad's liver checked. 

My phone rang...it was the doctor on the other line...he started reading to me the results of all tests and ultrasound...I don't have to hear the rest, I don't have to get the details...Dad has liver cirrhosis. 

How could that be??? He doesn't drink. If he does...only occasionally. He gets regular tests. He never had any history of Hepatitis. Nothing of sort! What caused it??? 

To be honest whatever caused is irrelevant. All I know is my Dad is terribly sick and we can lose him any moment. I am happy to note though that he is still in a "good state"right now. He can walk. He can still travel several miles and go to the farm. He can still do some of the chores... 

Yet...I know that he is no longer how he used to be. 

I am not really sure if I will hit publish as soon as I am done typing whatever is on my head right now. I want to talk about it...and I am talking about it, it's just that I don't think I have told anyone about my feelings about it. You see discussing facts is way different from talking about how you feel about those facts. I just feel I need to tell someone that at some point I am afraid. That I have not been sleeping since I learned about Dad's diagnosis...I just close my eyes and pretend to be asleep. 

I look at Dad and wonder if he is aware....aware that he may leave us anytime. I know it will happen anytime to anyone but I just cannot bear the thought of Dad suffering. Plus...how do you feel someone you love get ready for his time? Did it ever occur to you to ask that question? I did ask myself that 10 years ago while watching the movie "Go Towards The Light", and 10 years ago I prayed so hard not to get into that situation and look where I am now.

And yes I did ask God why. Then I did ask God why Dad? Why like this?

Yet I don't really need His answers. I just need Him to rest His hand on Dad's shoulder. 

Christmas is coming and for most of you who frequent here you know how I love to plan for Christmas. Can you all imagine how difficult it is for me to plan Christmas not knowing what's going to happen in between? 

The doctor said maybe he has 6 months...

Six months.

What can you do in 6 months?

One Christmas...

One New Year...

One Sinulog (Cebu Festival)...

One Valentine's...

One birthday (Dad's birthday is March!)...

One summer...

And then maybe, we will have one miracle.

It's Nice To Be Hopeful

flying back to Bacolod

so full of worries

yet keeping the faith alive

clinging to that faint whisper

that sweet sound ever -

HOPE! nice to have you around

It is always amazing how the randomness to things tie up to something so big ready to swallow you. Middle of last week the IT Guy was complaining of something which made me strongly suggest him to get an executive checkup. For whatever reason we decided last minute include my Dad. We found out that Dad's sugar level was 360. Though to some that is quite low, for us who never tried it, it was really alarming. Plus the fact that he had been losing so much weight for the 2-3 months. So he was admitted in the hospital and is now under insulin. We are all in panic mode since we rarely see him get sick...maybe once in a year, he get slight fever, that's it! All these things had to happened while I am away from home. So I left Bacolod 1AM of Saturday and was able to see Dad at around 7AM. I haven been working like a horse and took the bus and the boat just to make sure I get there the soonest. I spent the my weekend at Cebu sick...and worried. Now I'm back in Bacolod and I'm still sick but more worried. Though he was able to check out today he is still under medication. I am just thankful to know that all his other tests were okay.

The IT Guy still has to go through some tests as well. God must have really so much confidence in me to let me go through all these. The call center will open few weeks/days from now. I have to focus on so many things at a time. But right now, I am just staring at one - HOPE.

It is always to have HOPE around! And of course all your prayers are welcome. :)

The Best Part of Being Loved

PhotoHunt: ...CUDDLING

This is Mariposa with the nephew after playing at the garden for  eternity! Can you tell how dusty his legs are and he put them on mine readily for a cuddle?! Ah, the best part of loving and being loved...to have someone to hold with. I'm sure to miss this once I move to Bacolod for the new job. 

Please visit PhotoHunt's HQ to see others CUDDLING!


Wish you all a great weekend!

Business of Helping the Elderly

I'm in a manic mode right now. I still have to start packing. And I have to pack a lot because I will be moving to a new city for the new job. I am quite excited just that so many things to do and as days passed, I feel like I have so little time left. Mom still has to visit the Grandma at another province. I really wanted to go as it might be 3 to 4 months before I could go and see her but then looks like it is not just possible. 

Grandma always has me worried at some point. I am very close to her and I cannot just be at peace with the thought that she is far from us and she live alone. Can you imagine an elderly living alone? While my Moms 2 of my Mom's siblings live nearby, it is just sad that we couldn't rely on them to take care of her. Good thing my Grandma is quite strong despite her senior years. 

So what Mom do to make things work is she or we visit Grandma 2-3 times a month to make sure her needs are covered. Mom for the most part go there to clean the house. Grandma cleans it too but Mom do the general cleaning for her. I think this is one area where the elderly has some challenge doing, cleaning their home. I am thinking since most of the elderly here either live alone or live with their children, they might be needing assistance in cleaning their home. I don't think our case is an exception. I was kidding Mom that we might as well get a cleaning franchise. That way we have some of the chores for Grandma covered and at the same time we have a business and we could specialize on helping the elderly, after all there is that latent demand and they are a captive market. Right?

Hmmm, let me go and think about this seriously now!

Wish You All Wealth and Success!

We just celebrated the Chinese New Year and we will have different related activities for the next 2 weeks. A tradition that the family gets to keep for the most part is the giving of red envelopes. I, personally is fond of giving red envelopes may it be new year or any special occasions such as birthdays. I'm sharing you one here. I wish you all success and prosperity for 2010! May this be your best ever!

Happy Wordless Wednesday everyone!

Gong Xi Fa Cai!

This new year is all about BIG things happening, and this is quite true for Mariposa. As most of you know we always celebrate Chinese New Year, and I did share our moments for the past years now, remember 2008 and 2009? So the past days had me, the IT Guy and the entire family busy preparing for the big day. 

Last week I already did my advance visit to the Taoist Temple and we should go back there tomorrow. My decision to leave work earlier and stay at home first before starting the new job just made this new year the best so far. I'd say the best because for this particular one I'm able to spend more time at the kitchen and was able to plan everything out. Woot!

The house was more than ready for it as IT Guy did some of the decors...as you can see  here --

We also prepared some money in red envelopes for the traditional monetary gift. In Mandarin we call these red envelopes Hóng Bāo, and Lai See in Cantonese. We do this not only on new years by the way, but also on other special occasions such as birthdays and weddings.

Here we hanged some of in one of the small tree in the garden --

 

  

 

Here is a closer look!

We also prepared some food for dinner and of course the traditional new year delicacies --

 

I did my favorite beef caldereta. I made it a little more spicy than the usual to help welcome the year of the metal tiger. I also made sure there are enough veggies on it for health and longevity. The IT Guy did the spaghetti. As most of you know, noodles are for long life and the nephew love it! The rest are the usual, spring rolls, sweet and sour fish, lechon kawali and other desserts. One things unusual here as you may have noticed is the whole chicken, and it is really WHOLE, as you can see, it still have its feet  and head. Yes, we have this every new year too so symbolize completeness. Got this particular tradition years ago when I visited mainland China.

 

For the other usual delicacy, we have the traditional tikoy, macy, huatki, chibiko and of course, my favorite fortune cookies!

  

We also prepared some candies and chocolates!

 

And of course some dried sweet plum, jelly candies, dried pineapple and sweet potato candies! 

All those, and some other which I feel no need to be mentioned is more than enough to make the table so crowded! 

I also have to mention that IT Guy took care of the fireworks part (he always does anyway) and this year is just AMAZING! I did not take any video as I wanted to enjoy it and just really watch and enjoy. He told me he found a new supplier and we plan to have another firework display soon! Maybe on the nephew's birthday. 

So here are some snapshots of the celebration we had last night --

 

  

 

Once again, Gong Xi Fa Cai to all of you! That is how we greet in Mandarin, and while we say it differently in Cantonese, Gong Hey Fat Choy, just for everybody's info, they're both written the same. =)

 Congratulations and Be Prosperous!

Wednesday Delight

Resigning from my job and deciding to take a rest for some days before starting the new one not only did give me time to get that rest that I need but it lets me do some things I've been meaning to do. I am so delighted to be back doing Word Filled Wednesday.

Last weekend we brought the nephew to the mall and had hist haircut done in one of the barber shop there. As usual he cried a lot that we have to bribe him with his favorite spaghetti after. This is one of the things that gives him joy. He did enjoy it despite him not feeling so well then.

 

 "Your law is my delight." 

- Psalm 119:174

Looking at this photo and just about every child taking delight on little things had put me into some thinking mode this whole week. Once again I have to ask myself what are the things that gives me joy and how they how much they matter in my life. I am glad to note that all of them come only next to God and my family (and friends and the people around me). Many times in our lives we get too passionate over the things which delight us that we are so easily manipulated by temptations. Sometimes these things make some lives so tragic because they let these things rule over them forgetting God and their families. Psalm 119:174 reminds us once again on the thing that matters most.

Look around you and ask yourself, do you love God more than those things. God takes delight in us, how can we help but take delight in Him?

Celebrate with us
and join us
as we share inspiring Bible verse
at Word Filled Wednesday

My Home Inside My Home

Life According to Jan and Jer are our Fun Monday hosts for the week. And well they say --

As your hostess this week...here is what I dreamed up! The big question is ....What is the favorite room in your home? Tell us why and show us a photo if you can.

I am guessing most people would say it's their bedroom, but well not for Mariposa. I am rarely in my bedroom when I am home! LOL

The past months, I've been spending most of my time at the kitchen. Lately I find myself baking some cakes or pastries or just trying out some new recipes. This is something new but I am seeing this to last very long.

This is the snapshot of the small kitchen where I always bake the famous Mariposa's Lengua de Gato and Banana cake. I say famous because lately I've been getting huge orders and more than the money I am making I am enjoying the feeling of it, SO MUCH!

This was before the repainting project...I apologize I don't have  a very recent photo as I just got back from a trip and is recovering from flu.

Just when the IT Guy was ready to take a shot, the nephew came running to make sure he joins in the photo shoot! LOL

Next photo shows Mariposa and the nephew more settled! I am having such a good relationship with this cute oven of mine! It doesn't eat space, it serves my need and is very gas efficient.

My next favorite part of the house is not really a room, it's the garden! I LOVE staring at the greens and I love tending the plants.

 

In the garden is also where I play with the nephew! IT Guy and I spend some of our lazy Sunday afternoon here playing with the nephew.

 

And that's it for my Fun Monday post, you just have my home inside my home. Let me head over to our hosts to check what the others have...

I wish all you a great week!

Sweet Treat from the Philippines!

This is one of the many sweet rice treat from the Philippines. We have so many versions of rice cakes and this is just one of them, famous for the name BIKO. The house is just famous for it among friends. You can also some varieties being topped with caramel or latik. But this one is just the plain version as Mariposa is not so much fond of sweets. :)

This is my Food Trip for Friday. Too see other's choice, please visit the official host of Food Trip Friday!

1, 2, 3 and Smile!

PhotoHunt: Then he gets JIGGLY!

This photo was taken last year, it was the nephew's birthday. He was too excited with the balloons and all...

Please visit PhotoHunt's HQ to see more JIGGLY fun stuff!

In Red...

I saw this site hosting a Wednesday Meme called Wardrobe Wednesday. Here is the rule -

Looking fabulous in a new outfit? Post it on Wardrobe Wednesday. See a strangely dressed person on the street? Snap a photo and post it (be kind about identity, please). Are you stalking a new dress at the mall? Photograph the mannequin and load it up! Celebrate funky socks, ratty sweats and ball gowns with equal affection.

Then I remember us dressing up the nephew for Chinese New Year about 2 years ago. I just mentioned Chinese New Year in my Fun Monday post as something the family really celebrate with. Below is a proof.

It's me and the nephew in our red outfits!

 

 

It was fun...it's always fun! Do watch out for out outfit this year! LOL

A Time Present

My favorite gifts of all time are watches! Yes, I always gift friends and families with watches. Though I'm not so fond of watches myself, I find myself giving them people. I'm not sure if it has to do with how I value them and how willing I am so share my time with them or how I eat their time! Ha! Either way watches are just my option in looking for a gift for someone, for whatever occasion.

While looking around the net, I found some nice Casio gshock at very reasonable prices. My brother's birthday will be this May and I think I already know what to give him.

Christmas at CCMC Pediatrics

I promise to make a post about it so here goes. Trust me I had to struggle with this post as I just can't seem to find any strength to type anything. I'm more than happy to have shared few moments with the children at Cebu City Medical Center's Pediatrics...plus the fact that I'm still not so over with one event I saw while I was there.

First off I don't have any better photos to show as I did not go there ready to document the said activity. As most of you noticed I have stopped writing posts about my outreach programs. I don't really have any reasons for that though. Anyway, when we got home the IT Guy told me that in between his breaks (since he was helping out most of the time!) he was able to take some photos in some areas of the Pedia Ward.

Cebu City Medical Center, also known as CCMC is a public hospital run by the Cebu City Goverment. And like most state-owned hospitals, it's not really the nicest place to go to or stay with. So this Christmas I told the IT Guy that I wanted to go there and be with the children. It was a last minute thing I wanted so we did whatever we can with whatever we have. I have to thank several people too who made this project successful. I'd like to thank the man in black, Rene S. for helping me facilitate this visit as well as Dr. M. Go, the Chief of the Hospital. So many thanks to Agnes who shared some candies, juices and biscuits to the children, my sister in law Sheila for all the particular help, and of course the IT Guy who cooked the spaghetti himself. Did I mention before that the IT Guy is very good with pasta? Well he is! And we just wanted his best spaghetti to the children. :)

So here we are in action!

The Pedia Ward is located at the ground floor of the hospital and there were about 60 children there, that includes the Pedia ICU and they have an extension at the third floor where there were about 12 children.

This is the one on the third floor. Here is my SIL giving candies and biscuits to the children.

I had just to ask how come this child is alone...I was glad to know she's to check out and the parent was just checking with the nurses downstairs.

 

Here is Mariposa putting all her trash in one bag. Cleanliness is next to godliness so they say!

 

I met this baby when I went back downstairs. He just spent his Christmas at the hospital and I do hope he will be out there by New Year. (I didn't even notice the IT Guy was able to take a photo!)

 

The scene I left downstairs wasn't quite the same when I got back. The four month old baby who was in manual respirator (they call it bagging) was being pumped by the nurse. I could tell it wasn't good and I was standing there helpless seeing the baby go. I couldn't understand why we had to end the day with that. When I first stepped into the Pedia Ward the first thing I asked was what happened to her. The one who was doing the bagging told me that she had a cough. I had to ask the IT Guy how come she wasn't in normal oxygen, he just looked at me and said because she may not be capable to do it on her own. I know deep inside that once a patient is in respirator it means that patient is in critical condition, it just didn't dawn to me that, that child was in critical condition. I went to her Mom before going upstairs and told them I pray they can go home soon. It never occurred to me that they will go home sad. While I stand there looking at the nurses and the doctor trying to revive the baby, I kept asking people and myself what can I do. What do they need. Nothing. They needed the baby to respond first. I was standing there wishing one could share their lifetime with someone in an instance. I would gladly give some of my years to that child. It's just awful. I couldn't believe a child could die because of a cough. I couldn't believe how could parents wait for a simple cough to complicate before rushing them to the hospital. That baby I learned was just brought there on that day. Early that day another baby died because of the same illness. What in the world is going on?

I want to stop this post as I am just too overwhelmed with a lot of things. I know I can only do so much, and I always wish I can do more but every time I struggle to do more for people I see how helpless I am and it hurts. 

I pray for God's hand to rest on the shoulder of the family of that baby who's with the angels now. I also pray that the children there get better soon so they can spend New Year's eve at home. May God bless all the little children in world.

The Little...

PhotoHunt: TWELVE

These are Sean's little twelve friends... Unfortunately the IT Guy can't make him join them in the line. LOL

Thanks to all who sent me eCards, eMails, and gifts. Also to those who gave me a ring, thanks so much! A bit late, but hope you all had a very Merry Christmas! I had a big one with family and friends.  And this afternoon, I had the chance to spend Christmas with the children at Cebu City Medical Center Pediatrics Ward and I promise to write a post about it tomorrow. :)

Please visit PhotoHunt's HQ to see others' TWELVE !

Plants Are Good Gifts!

I'm still alive folks! I'm done all repainting projects, the kitchen, the living room and the exterior of the house. And I love the results...I think I did a good job with it. I will show photos this weekend.

I am here to do a quick shout out on how happy I am to receive Christmas gifts as early by now. And let me tell you how excited I am to find out that they are plants! Yes, I got them delivered right on my doorstep. They will look nice in my porch. Obviously the person who sent them to me knows me. She knows how I love nature and how I spend time in my garden. I am so ecstatic.

Now, I want to spread the virus and send these wonderful gifts to friends as well. I check online and saw a good list of plants to choose from. I love the poinsettia and the money tree. Hmm...I have to start making my list now with what to send to whom.

If you are still figuring out what to send to friends as gifts, you may think of sending them plants!

Friday Fill-Ins Hallooween

Here goes my Friday Fill-Ins for the week...


1. It was a dark and stormy night, I was scared and wished you're with me.

2. They don't like it so I offered to take the books myself.

3. Rushing out, to meet you.

4. Oh my...I think I heard a howl!

5. Shhhh... I think I heard footsteps.

6. Somebody give me something good to eat!

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to packing my things for out trip, tomorrow my plans include visiting my GrandMa and Sunday, I want to go to the cemetery with the family!

Here, most of our activities are for All Saint's and All Souls Day, so we're going to Bohol and spend our long holidays there. I will be back Monday evening to join my team's activity at the office. The department will host a trick or treat activity.

Wish you all a safe and happy Friday!