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Saturday, December 30, 2006

Don't You Break My Heart Slow...

This is eaxctly how I feel after you told me what you told me last night...

Thursday, December 28, 2006

Where Have I Gone?!

I found this stuff very I have visited 40 countries already.... how in the world did I manage to do that when I'm still 27?! :P

I must have been wasting lots of resources then...tsk...tsk...tsk...

So here it is....

create your own visited countries map
or vertaling Duits Nederlands

Friday, December 22, 2006

To Yummy

Hi honey! I know we've been into each other's nerves the past days, call it stress, hormones or whatever! But I would like to tell you that they're just all passing, but not what I feel for you.

I really love this song and I feel so awful that I met you in the times when i can no longer sing them to you. You know, I used to sing this so so beautifully...and I have always wanted to sing this to the right just so unfortunate that after I found the guy, I lost my voice...well, or my hearing for that matter. :) I'm crying now yes, but I'm smiling, after all, I still have a lot to be thankful for!

I love you. Love me...that's all I ask of you.

Da Riddim Is Gonna Getcha!

This is how I feel today! :P

Monday, December 18, 2006

A Beautiful Heart

It's been a quiet day today.

I got a text from my cardio this afternoon giving my the findings following the cardiac catheter and angiogram I just had few weeks backs. His exact words? I have a beautiful heart!
A beautiful heart! Same exact words were told to me by an unknown doctor who went inside my room while I was having my tests weeks ago. He told me what I was doing there when only people with broken hearts stay there, but a very beautiful heart?! I was stunned when he said that not understanding what he was saying. All I knew then was, I may need to go to US and spend Christmas away from my family to get some medications...Apparently my cardio denied having another doctor working with him that evening when I asked him who was that guy who went inside my room.

I have almost forgotten about the whole thing, until I got my text from my cardio today! I can not explain the relief I feel and unless you have been in that position you can not understand even if I tried.

My physician was surprised when he found nothing especially knowing what was on the stress test that was done in his clinic. I know this was because prayers were answered, so for each of you were praying and sending good thoughts I thank you very much. Thank you for your kindness, your support and most of all your love. Thanks go to Red, vince, Ivan, Kat, and most especially Yummy for all the particular support.

Once again, I am humbled. God is really good. Not only he gave me a beautiful heart, but he blessed be with very good friends.

Friday, December 15, 2006

Animal Vices?!

This really amazes me. I have nenver thought is tracing the biological origin of morality...I was too busy busy trying to be morally

But a biologist at Italy's University of Bologna tried tracing our so-called biological origin of morality. He has written a book claiming animals indulge in many of the same vices as humans.

Giorgio Celli said in his book, "I Sette Peccati Capitali degli Animali," which translates to "Animals' Seven Capital Vices," that animals frequently entertain impulses including lust, gluttony and greed, ANSA reported Friday.

Read more.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Rules of Engagement?!

What to do when....the office politics are getting you down?!

Office politics are as varied and dangerous as military manoeuvres. There are those who pursue a vast campaign to ensure their promotion and those whose only involvement are minor skirmishes at the outposts. Here are just some of the characters you might find on the office battleground:

Snipers -capable of highly targeted attacks on the vulnerable. Instinctively know your weak spot.

Strafers -indiscriminately bombard others with abuse. Most likely to say 'it's only a joke'.

Veteran campaigner -has seen it all before and knows the rules of engagement better than anyone. Always effortlessly on the winning side.

Double agents -spread misinformation and draw you into incautious revelations, then reveal their turncoat nature by repeating all to the boss.

Firestarter -ignites tempers and enflames hostility with a few carefully chosen words, then watches the inferno from a safe distance.

There are few workplaces so laid back that there will not be some form of tension in the ranks, and though ignorance is bliss it is not always the best way to forge a career. It is certainly true that the safest place to be in the ruthless game of office politics is watching form the sidelines, but you should remain aware of what is going on around you. Be friendly with people, and get to know those who might normally be outside your immediate sphere. The greatest accolade in today's workplace is to be known as a teamplayer.

However, don't exacerbate situations by adding to office gossip or playing colleagues off against each other. Emails are particularly dangerous since they can be saved, forwarded and, worst of all, sent as blind carbon copies. All this means that something written in the heat of the moment may come back to hand you your P45.

When there is conflict in the office, the best way to handle it is to stay unemotional. If there is an inevitable clash, follow these three golden rules. Firstly, don't have your spat in public. Secondly, learn to handle work disputes with the kind of neutrality they deserve - they're nothing to get upset or angry about. Control your voice so that you could be talking about the weather or the footie scores. Finally, don't give your colleague a reason to feel got at; use non-judgemental language, and particularly avoid the accusatory word 'you'.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Music Speaks For Me

That old song/video from the Phantom of the Opera I posted below just because the song is how I feel, but not the lyrics. lol

I really like that song, more so now than I did then for some reason. I have always love the theater! And despite what happened, will always do so. Seriously, God how the world has changed. How I have changed. Life. Since that song. What another whole world I was living in back then.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Like the Ocean in Motion

That's the latest metaphor - for today anyway :-)

Have you ever had one of those conversations that, although, difficult in content, seems to go so smoothly?! It's such an awesome feeling! It's like the ebb and flow of the ocean, even though the tough things were discussed, both people are open minded enough, and connected enough and compasionate enough to actually hear and appreciate what the other one is saying. Being able to work through the difficult parts and get back to the better parts just shows what an amazing gift this really is. There is no anger, no hate, just talk. The ability to talk about it until both points of view are understood, AND until both people are ok with what's been said. If you haven't been lucky enough to have this opportunity, I sincerely hope that you will at some point. It's conversations like this, that give me faith in the human population! lol You meet SO many people in this world, most of whom couldnt give a shit about communication and/or understanding others. And, it's so refreshing, maybe even exhilirating, to know that I'm lucky enough to know someone who I can have these open, honest, "from the heart" conversations with! WEW!!!

Have a GREAT day everyone - and GO BUCKS!! :p

Saturday, December 09, 2006

Whispering Hope


Courage, it would seem, is nothing less than the power to overcome danger, misfortune, fear, injustice, while continuing to affirm inwardly that life with all its sorrows is good; that everything is meaningful even if in a sense beyond our understanding; and that there is always tomorrow.

This quote defines the ending of my entry today. I wrote it differently before I got across with this beautiful line. Truly, hope is a side road.



A conspiracy theory...

They're trying to kill me. They are trying to get me to crumble and end my days here at the office.

And this is really pissing me off BIG TIME.

On ther hand, I have a face made for radio, a voice made for print, and this blog this is just a mental exercise! Ah! Right. All characters and events in this blog are fictional. Any resemblence to real persons, alive or dead, means that what you think is reality is just part of my fantasy. Virtually speaking, of course. *LOL

So, what happened to the conspiracy?! Belch!

This week was busy, and the next two weeks will only get worse.

But I’m like an ER doctor, I THRIVE IN CHAOS.

Yes even amidst conspiracy.

Actually, I hate chaos, but I do enjoy bringing order to chaos.

I hate conspiracy too, but I love playing the game.

Friday, December 08, 2006

And The Road Goes On Forever

The title just sums up the whole essence of this blog. Though professional life's being put to a test, still I'm hanging on, LIFE'S GENERALLY GOOD and the road goes on forever...

This picture is just one of my favorite pictures I took when I went to the US few years back. Believe it or not, but this same picture has helped me put things back into proper perspectives, not just once, not just now.

I made this drive on a day in early May few years back, that dawned cooly crisp and had the promise you want every day to have. From Blanding, Utah to Hanksville and then on to Torrey and Capitol Reef. It was a weekday and I saw almost no one for miles and miles, stopping often with the only sounds the ticking of the engine and the sometimes breeze in my empty head. It was about my third day on desert time, it takes a couple to defrag and silence the voices.

I believe there is beauty that is so overpowering that it is almost too much to bear. For all of the world I have seen, the West is one of my siren. It's my forever and it makes me ache for what I know I can't have. I want to be as endless, I want to be as far as the eye can see. As dangerously hot and as brutally cold. I love how it has hurt me, burnt me, skinned my knees and hands, bloodied me with it's thorns and pricklys, blistered me and taken all my strength. I've slept covered in fine red dust and been outlined on white sheets. It's the only place that has brought tears to my eyes, the only place I've ever been truly alone, the only place I've heard silence, the only place I've been stilled.

It's the place that makes me want to live forever and the place I wouldn't be afraid to die.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Going Nowhere Fast...

Life. It's about learning and teaching. Giving, not taking. Everyday this lesson is shown to me.

I really don't know how to start my ramblings and I am hoping that will be an acceptable one...
Things are not just in the right, that is my opinion, yes, my opinion, and this is my blog, so I can say what I want to say...and those who are not in can fuckin' leave.

Today, I feel I lost myself...more importantly, the writer in me. I no longer care about rhetorics, and for those who claims that Honest people use no rhetoric;Rhetoric is not honesty, cut the crap...I really admire Tao Te Ching...but please not now. All I know right now is there are a lot of things that I need to be bitching about.

First, I would like to say, with all modesty that I am a very PROFESSIONAL person.

Second, I am a believer of justice, especially in the workplace. With that said, I would like to note that, I don't whom I least trust -- Management and Ass Kissers in the company. Lately, I feel so uninspired. Management use dismissal and harassment to destroy employee morale. The Human Resources stands by and refuses to act. I remain bewildered. By the way, I almost forgot, I am with management, now, if only arseholes realize that.

Third, I am a proactive person. I have always been a believer of change for the better, why the hell do you think I'm doing process improvement?! But I hate nothing more in life than people telling me what to do. I don’t mind advice, for the most part, as long as it comes from a good place. But, if you are giving “advice” which is just thinly-veiled criticism, well please refrain, or I will cut you like cancer.

And last, I have joined this company last June. My application was a breeze...apparently because they need me, and there is no one qualified for the job.

In a few months, everything is a rollercoaster ride for me...and I have met so many kinds of beings...take note...beings, not necessarily human here they are:

False God - This character is unidentifiable, no clear gender, and of no certain specie family affiliation. One thing is certain though, this character thinks he is God, a complete control freak and a moron.

He Who sits at the right hand of the False God - This character seems naive, easy to manipulate and his brain is always brainwashed (not really sure what it's called but it sits at tthe top of his head, told you they are different sorts of beings and i'm not just so familiar with their anatomy!). He goes around, feeling the blessing of the False God radiates on him...and the more he tries to show his wit, the more he manifest the lack of it.

Thumbscrew - He thinks he is as cool as Tom C...all in his thought. He acts as if he is on top of everything, knows everything...but if you really want to know him, go find a dictionary, look for the word IDIOT, then you will see his picture there. Am not kidding, go try it!

Twinkle Curl - I thought at first she is a blinker...yes, that is what she does exactly, blink, blink and blink. lol I wish I'm kidding. She is a fashion victim, an assuming asshole, with a kinky stuff in her head. I'm not sure of her gender too, but that's what she claims to be, a SHE.

WishyWashy - This being is very dangerous. She doesn't take sides, she claims to be neutral almost all of the time. Vows at you but bit you from behind. She says she is good with numbers...I'm wondering if she is able to count the number of times she has been utterly stupid.

The New PrimaDona - Not that she really is, but that is the role she assumes, of course as directed by the False God. lol She is a fashion victim too, with her around, I'm wondering who will be on top of the list?

There are a number of character to mention, but whatthefuck?! In fairness, there are a lot of good people too...but I am here to ramble about the darkside...

I just pray this beings have any idea what the fuck they are doing...else, may the good Lord have mercy on them!

And on some personal note:

Everyone has been through something that has caused major change in a short amount of time. I was thinking to myself the other day, it has been a while since something life changing has happened to me. Makes me wonder if my stay here qualifies for that.

With all the stress they have been trying to give is what I try to do-

I'm trying to take better care of myself.
I'm trying to eat better.
I'm trying to be more active.
I'm trying to pay closer attention to my skin.
I'm trying to simplify my surroundings.
I'm trying to improve my mental health by being more congruent.
I'm trying to think of how my actions now will affect me later when I make decisions.

Just as the saying goes - When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.


I'm swamped with a LOT of things lately...personal and work.

Today I feel sick but I have to go to work, else, my stuffs would be up to kee high when I get back. It's half an hour past midnight, and my eyes feel too tired staring at my monitor...then I found this old pic....

How carefree I was then, running barefoot in my long sleeves and mini skirt along the beach.... and how casual life seems to be then...


I miss the child in me...she is not lost I know, I just need to find her and spend time with her...soon.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006


Saturday, December 02, 2006

Hey, it's your loss

You know, it could have been something awesome.

I could have treated you in ways that are usually saved for romance novels.

I could have respected your boundaries, yet pushed the envelope to enable you to explore feelings, emotions and excitement you have never experienced before.

You would have known the feeling of how it feels to have someone appreciate your essence, your very being.

You would have known the feeling of orgasms that only comes with the kind of real attention that comes from somebody who gets excited more by stimulating you than using you as a partner.

Experience and patience are tools that I could have deftly used to teach you how wonderful I could make you feel.

You know I am a “wonderful lady” and muse how lucky somebody ELSE would be to have my attention. But, you don’t think of me that way. With your eyes open, I just don’t do it for you. Too bad, you didn’t just close your eyes for a second and take a chance. I could have really made it worth your while.

In the end… it really was your loss.

Note: This was not directed to anyone specifically, or even in somebody’s general direction. It is just how I feel right now.

Friday, December 01, 2006

The Storm Before The Calm

I wrote this more than two years ago already...and only today, I did find the courage to post this.

Some things are hard to think about. So hard that your mind puts them away, and saves them for another day.

I feel like that day is coming, for someone so close to me...

A close friend of mine was molested by a stranger when he was young. And he didn’t tell anyone until years later. He was a almost 18 then, and that stranger was about in his 40's. It was so LONG AGO, but that didn’t change the fact that I wanted to hunt him down, but what must have happened to him to even put those thougths in his head? I could tell you that I can’t even imagine, but I can.

When he told me this a couple of years ago, he said he couldn’t remember what he had done to him, just that he knew he had done something… and to see the look of rage and anguish in his face rocked me to my core.

I have not talked about this with anyone really, because he was not ready to talk about it. But he’s said a few things to me recently that make me feel like he’s getting there, whether he wants to or not. And I’m trying to get ready for it, I need to talk about it.

Some of you may know how it is to be where he is right now, and that it damn near comsumed me. For a long time I thought repressed memories were bullshit and I guess that is what he thought all those times too. Until he had his own come flooding out of him just when he was about thirty. I always knew there was something different about him, something seemingly wrong with him, but I never knew what. I couldn’t describe it. And I didn’t want to try.

Someone special to me said this,

“the biggest predictor of resiliance through trauma isn't the severity of the incident, or the relationship to a perpetrator - but the ways significant others react to disclosure”

For those of you who are reading this, and haven’t gone through this, if someone you love comes to you with their own secret, believe them. no matter how crazy it seems.

Just believe…

I believe in my heart that he had weathered the storms...and that the sun is shining on him so brightly right now. You are one person I respect, admire so much...and that, isn't enough to describe how your couraged have awed me many times.