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Thursday, November 30, 2006

A New Chapter

When this blog started a year ago, it was meant to be a place where I could write about humor and improvization as a fun diversion. In the beginning I just enjoyed the chance to be creative again. But over time, writing also became a cathartic way to come to terms with some of the things that had happened in my life so far. The ramblings of a woman who notices the strangest things and the simplest pleasures in life and needed a place to put them down in words...if I can find the words.

As the one-year anniversary approached, it felt like the right point to bring closure to this blog. At some point, I have thought of probably starting another blog with a different name but keep these archives still up and running...but on the other hand, this place has become a part of me, that is so hard to let go.

Reading through all my posts here makes me realize only one thing - 'Life is divided into three terms - that which was, which is, and which will be.Let us learn from the past to profit by the present, and from the present to live better in the future...'

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

If I'm Not In Love With You...

If I give you a piece of my heart, I will never take it back....

Even though we fight a lot, I love you.
We fight, I think, because the stakes are high.
I sometimes get so mad I cannot stand you,
But underneath my anger I could cry.
I have an uncontrolled need to control you,
To be your only destiny and guide.
I know it isn't fair to try to mold you,
But my poor love's entangled in my pride.
Ah, love! Please love me even in my fury,
Which rises like a tide beneath the moon.
I plead before my only judge and jury:
I want to change, but know change won't come soon.
Love finds it hard to let the loved one be
The person who is loved so passionately.


This song is for you honey...hope to talk to you soon!

Only Love
by Trademark

2am and the rain is falling
Here we are at the crossroads once again
You're telling me you're so confused
You can't make up your mind Is this meant to be
You're asking me

But only love can stay
Try again or walk away
But I believe for you and me
The sun will shine one day
So I just play my part
Pray you'll have a change of heart
But i can make you see it through
That's something only love can do

In your arms as the dawn is breaking
Face to face and a thousand miles apart
I've tried my best to make you see
There's hope beyond the pain
If we give enough
If we learn to trust

But only love can stay
Try again or walk away
But I believe for you and me
The sun will shine one day
So I just play my part
Pray you'll have a change of heart
But I can make you see it through
That's something only love can do

I know if I could find the words
To touch you deep inside
You'll give my dreams just one more chance
To let this be our last goodbye

But only love can stay
Try again or walk away
But I believe for you and me
The sun will shine one day
So I just play my part
Pray you'll have a change of heart
But I can make you see it through
That's something only love can do

That's something only love can do

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Time Flies

I am stunned at how much time I don't have.

Monday, November 27, 2006

If You Could See...

If you could see yourself through my eyes....

You would see intelligence and beauty

You would see parental dedication, patience and concern
You would see educational goals, commitment and focus
You would see a consummate professional

You would see a dynamic, engaging personality
You would see a fighter who questions his own strength
You would see a man at ease with his own sexuality
You would see a gentleman with the wonder of the world in his eyes

You would see a man with tremendous creativity and vision
You would see a father fiercely protective of his family and friends
You would see sophistication and tenderness
You would see a man comfortable in his own skin

You would see the love and hope you bring into my life
You would see how you make me laugh and leave me speechless
You would see how you make my heart pound and swell
You would see the missing part of my heart

You would also see the depth of my love
You would see how precious you are
You would see my everything

You would see you
As I see you

Saturday, November 25, 2006

Real Secrets To Success

I have been meaning to post here something that I can be use as a guide thingy...most of the time, I end up writing my hear out here. But today, I have come up with something that to mee seems perfect for the time.

So here goes...

1. Be competitive: "To succeed in business you have to want to win," says Liz Lange, founder and president of Liz Lange Maternity. "Too often, women feel they have to be nice. Don't," says Lange.

2. It's not about friendship: "Women want everyone to like them but it doesn't really matter what people think of you," says Renee Edelman, senior VP of Edelman. "It's that you get the job done and deliver results."

3. Stand up for yourself: Restaurateur Donatella Arpaia is responsible for two restaurants and 140 people. "I protect my interests, their interests. If someone is going to mess with that, I cut them out like cancer."

4. Trust your instincts: Dozens of people tried to talk Lange out of growing her business, now a major force with nationwide distribution at Target. "There are a lot of naysayers out there," says Lange. "Shut out negative noise andgo for it."

5. Always project confidence: Oscar-winning film producer Cathy Schulman says presentation is key. "When someone asks 'How are you?' don't go into a litany of what's wrong with your life," says Schulman. Instead, present yourself as in control and happy.

6. Own your success: Say goodbye to fear and insecurity, says Arpaia. Have confidence in your decisions, and make them.

7. Reach out to other women: When Lange started her business, she called every woman (and man) she admired and asked to meet. "Don't be shy," she says. Schulman begins each day by noting colleagues' accomplishments with a quick call or e-mail. "We don't have golf so create other communities of support."

8. Insist on being well paid: Don't view wanting money as inelegant or "not classy," says Schulman. "Men make decisions on the bottom line. Why shouldn't we?"

9. It's OK to make mistakes: When Arpaia realized a business partnership was doomed, she cut ties and moved on. "Don't obsess over things," she says.

10. Be a problem-solver: If something on Schulman's desk seems difficult to deal with, she tackles it first. "Big problems are an opportunity to grow."

by Julie Scelfo

Friday, November 24, 2006

Hope Is A Side Road

Resilient creatures, we humans are. Just when you think you cannot possibly take anymore... Just when you think there's no way you can get up and face the day. ...Just when you feel like you've hit the bottom of despair and there's no turning back....

You find a way.

As the old saying goes "Hope Springs Eternal". And it's so true. Look down, look really deeply down to that place where you invite no one. You'll find it there. 'Cause you can't kill hope. Even when you don't think it's there, it is. It sits quietly and infiltrates your most private thoughts before you realize that there is still hope within you.

If there's one thing I've learned in the past couple of years it's that we all have our own battles to fight and wars to wage. Sure, we have good times and bad times and better times but we all face something. Whether it's a marriage gone sour or a loved one facing cancer or loneliness or depression or infertility we all fight the good fight. Some days we shut down. We say to ourselves and each other, "this is it. I cannot do this anymore. I'm tired and beaten."

"But sure as the sun will rise, so will hope. It'll be a whisper at first ~ but it's there."

I write this because I have gone through more self blame, self doubt, self hate, resignation and despair than I ever thought I could handle. There are days when I want to give up, when I cry myself to sleep, when I want to forget about the whole thing but somewhere in that deep well of my soul, hope springs.

The last couple of months I've given Hope a lot of thought. I've examined it and wondered at it. Two years ago, I didn't know the deep and unbreakable hope that lives within us. I didn't understand it. I would throw the word around easily and carelessly, not truly understanding. And I still don't completely understand how hope and the human spirit are so intertwined. In the past I hoped for things like a job offer, a windfall, a phone call, a good grade... And I still do hope for the little things. But now I know the true power of hope. I understand that it really does spring eternal as well as I understand that I will have more days when I think that hope is gone.

The Weirdness of Reality

Weird barely describes this situation. I can't even find the right words although "mind fuck" comes close but has too much of a negative slant. It's not negative at all. However, it is almost painful to wrap my mind around. *sigh*

I've really just avoided looking at it directly. There were too many other tasks demanding my attention, but tonight there were dozens of moments that were bizarre, or sweet, or peaceful, or "huh"-like, or.... There were moments that sort of sucked me in and left me dangling between two different lives. Bittersweet.

Even though I know most of the pitfalls that surround me, and I'm avoiding those damn things like fuckin' grenades, I still don't know where to step. I'm just sorta stuck.

Or a better way to look at it might just be that I'm holding the line.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Is This True?

Guys Like That You're Sensitive

And not in that "cry at a drop of a hat" sort of way
You just get most guys - even if you're not trying to
Guys find it is easy to confide in you and tell you their secrets
No wonder you tend to get close quickly in relationships!
This is amazing to note...
I found this while I was taking a break...what a break indeed.
I know I have a lot of guy friends....but I don't know if this the reason...

Your Gemstone is Amber

Creative, happy, and logical.
You shine in any intellectual endeavor

I love my jewelry!

I have quite a number of nice earrings and necklaces that I wear. Some I wear all the time and others come out depending on what I am wearing. All have some sentimental meaning or association.

I have a beautiful diamond earring and necklace set that I got for myself on my 20th birthday, some lovely pearl earings (supposed to be unlucky but I can’t be bothered with all that nonesense!) and some diamonds set in white gold, titanium and what have you! I have some topaz that my Mom gave me when I was 18, and some few collections from old suitors!

And, do you know, not a single bit of amber in my collection!

Perhaps I ought to start hinting!


I am really grumpy today.

Nothing anyone says is right, everyone I speak to is either annoying me or irritating me. Look at me sideways and I’ll bite your head off!

I need to crawl into a cave and hide there for a few days - you know that expression “a bear with a sore head”?

That just about sums me up today…

A big grizzly bear with a Migraine….

Anyone know of any nice warm caves that I can hibernate in?

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Mixed Nuts

Happy Birthday to two of my friends who just celebrated few days back. I hope you both have an enjoyable one and remember that there will be people attending and people who can not, who are thankful that you arrived as squirming little babies only to grow up into such wonderful and inspiring adults. :-)


Today was a strange day.
I wanted to scream at someone.Anyone.
I wanted to cry.
I think I need to rent a sad movie and be by myself and just release.
I have no logical reason to feel this way. (Not even PMS is to blame!)
Especally since my attempt at building my dream career is going really well.
Last week was one of the highest points in my life thus far, and never ever thought it could be my lowest!
Maybe that's why I feel so down.
After the high, comes the low.
Maybe it's just because I get this way EVERY November.
Maybe because I need my head examined.
I don't know... all I know is
I'm exhausted
and sad
and elated
and scared
all at the same time.

I also feel like escaping.
Which is another thing that happens every November.
Like I want to be anywhere but HERE.
Anyone but ME.


It is about...
It is about wanting and need, wanting and need - a peculiar, desperate kind of need, needing to get what you never got, wanting it still, wanting it all the more, nonetheless.
It is about a profound desire for connection.
It is about how much we don't know, how much we can't say, what we don't understand.
It is about how unfamiliar even the familiar can become.

From a collection of short stories by A. M. Holmes titled "Things You Should Know".
Is it about the familiar in myself becoming unfamiliar or the familiarness of someone close to me?
Is it about nothing making sense any more?
Is it about the state of disconnection I feel?
Is it about the constant need for what I don't have?

What is it that YOU want/need/don't know/can't say/don't understand?


Being a grown up is so not what I thought it would be. My reality is a struggle with infertility, frustrations with my mundane life and many other things that have left me disenchanted.


Finally, let me leave you with this song from Martina McBride

You can spend your whole life building
something from nothing
One storm can come and blow it all away
Build it anywayYou can chase a dream
that seems so out of reach
and you know it might not ever come your way,
but dream it anyway

God is great, but sometimes life ain’t good,
and when I don’t always turn out like I think it should…
but I do it anyway, I do it anyway

This world’s gone crazy and it’s hard to believe
that tomorrow will be better than today,
believe it anyway

You can love someone with all your heart,
for all the right reasons,
and in a moment they can choose to walk away,
love ‘em anyway

You can pour your soul out singing a song you believe in,
that tomorrow they’ll forget you ever sang,
sing it anyway….yeah sing it anyway…..yeah

Yeah I’ll sing, I’ll dream, I’ll love… anyway.