Restrospect

Heard the saying, “One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful.”?

Well, today is that day!

Pieces

please put back Humpty Dumpty

together again

today, i'm just in pieces

The Best Meditation: DayDream

PhotoHunt: DAYDREAM

 

“I live in two unique worlds, traveling between both with just the opening or closing of my eyes.”

~ Richelle E. Goodrich

  

Today I woke up still in my dreams. And I want to believe I am blogging from my dream. I am so tired I need to sleep a hundred years...but instead I am in the office. I've been here for 2 hours already...just taking my mind off the corporate world to come here.

Here it's nice...it's comforting...I seem to have all the time in the world.

Here, I feel young...forever young. I guess I have to make sure I come here more often then...like I used to.  

This photo was taken about two years ago. One of those precious weekend where I get to drive to the beach and relax. I miss those days. I'm just too busy right now to go anywhere. So for now, I just have to close me eyes and wander. ;)

I hope you all enjoy your weekend. Happy daydreaming to you all!

Happy PhotoHunt too!     

 

When I am Numb

PhotoHunt: NUMB

 

Sometimes I just feel like everything is falling apart and my insides are numb.

And when I am numb...it's a great feeling!

I had to manipulate the color so many times for fear that it will be a too much photo...but then I wanted to post something dramatic today. I haven't done this for awhile...I beg for your indulgence.

For more fun hunt, please visit PhotoHunt!

Good Old Days

 ...sometimes they sneak out of my eyes 

and rolled down my cheek!

Missing Papa so much!

I wish you all a very memorable Wordless Wednesday!

In Suspension

The past weeks has been quite a struggle for me.

Last night was both a discovery (not a very good one though), and a light bulb moment...

My hopes fell, and crashed, like waves hitting the shore and for a moment I became a mental wreck...but it was only for a moment. I got myself back and now I'm trying to digest all the chaos left. 

One step forward. Two steps back. 

But it won't be for long.

I hope...

Two Years, Already?

Time flies so fast...


I just turned 2 years with my Company...and I didn't even realize it. 
Two years ago I left Cebu and join "my" call center. So many things had happened...good, not so good...but I am very happy to get this far. 


I came to the office yesterday to have a meeting with the Boss. He started with do you know what date is today? Today is a special day...then we looked back together 2 years back. To say I am very proud of what we have accomplished is an understatement. Being where I am is one of the best things that I did for myself.

Saturday Morning Reflection

I am three hours early for my flight to Cebu.


The airport is strategically located in a way that people waiting for boarding are able to enjoy the sunrise. I was just staring at the sunrise few minutes ago...and while sunrise is a thing of beauty to be enjoyed, today sunrise was different. It allowed all the sunken sadness in me to surface. I have never been so sad in my life. I have never felt so lonely...at least not in the past years. 


While holding back tears I decided to take my laptop out and blog. This blog has been my sweet refuge and it had carried me through for years now...so I'm here pounding the keys...with whatever that comes to my mind...just to have something worthwhile to do...other than being sad.


I am going home to be with my father. And every time I think of him and his illness I can't help but ask God why. I know there is always a reason for everything...but I have to be honest, I still have yet to find His reason for giving Papa his illness. My friends are telling me for everything there is always a reason to be grateful...and they all tell me I should be grateful that this happens in a time I can afford it...and it has nothing to do with finances at all! I have friends who are very supportive and a boss who is just behind me all the way. All these mean so much to me, yet at times when I am alone, in moment like this, it seems that no amount of comfort in the world can make me feel better. Just NOTHING.


I am not afraid of death. I am learning to let go. But I cannot bear seeing my father suffer. And if only I can share his pain I would. But I can't...just not possible. 


All I can do is pray and hope that he gets to have peace and accept what he has, without fear....without blame...without the whys... I want him to be ready.


And what was said in the movie Go Towards The Light that "It's the hardest thing anyone could ever have to do, to help someone they love die." How do we make a love one face death without pain, without fear and ultimately without us?

Wednesday Delight

Resigning from my job and deciding to take a rest for some days before starting the new one not only did give me time to get that rest that I need but it lets me do some things I've been meaning to do. I am so delighted to be back doing Word Filled Wednesday.

Last weekend we brought the nephew to the mall and had hist haircut done in one of the barber shop there. As usual he cried a lot that we have to bribe him with his favorite spaghetti after. This is one of the things that gives him joy. He did enjoy it despite him not feeling so well then.

 

 "Your law is my delight." 

- Psalm 119:174

Looking at this photo and just about every child taking delight on little things had put me into some thinking mode this whole week. Once again I have to ask myself what are the things that gives me joy and how they how much they matter in my life. I am glad to note that all of them come only next to God and my family (and friends and the people around me). Many times in our lives we get too passionate over the things which delight us that we are so easily manipulated by temptations. Sometimes these things make some lives so tragic because they let these things rule over them forgetting God and their families. Psalm 119:174 reminds us once again on the thing that matters most.

Look around you and ask yourself, do you love God more than those things. God takes delight in us, how can we help but take delight in Him?

Celebrate with us
and join us
as we share inspiring Bible verse
at Word Filled Wednesday

What Is The Beyond Life

How do you see death? Do you believe in afterlife? Have you ever given it a thought?

I am a Christian and I believe in everlasting life with my Creator. I guess it depends on how we look at life and what we see beyond it. Reincarnation and immortality need not be taken literally. And though we may have differing views about it, we can all agree that each of us can leave a trail here by leaving a good life. After all, our lives when we passed away will be placed in the memory of the living. So if we leave good karma behind us, people left behind will according those sets of karma. But then what is karma? For me karma is just like this so called debt of gratitude common among us Filipinos. It is when we repay good with something good. 

I am not afraid of death. It took me so long to get to this stand and the journey wasn't the nicest at all, but it's all worth it! I encourage everyone to take a look and understand death. It is only then we can embrace it and move on, either through after life or by leaving good memories to our loved ones.

Brought to you by: REIN

Living On Words

Happy Wordless Wednesday everyone!

Cars...

I've been away, my apologies to Sayre for missing Fun Monday. I just got swamped with a lot of things and I was not feeling well last weekend. But I still want to make a quick post about her theme --

I want to know your car history.  What was your first car?  Which was your favorite car?  And what are you driving now - and why?

Hmmm, I will try to make this easy and fast as I'm trying to catch with a lot of things.

The very first car I got to drive was a 1997 Mazda Miata. It was a birthday gift but it turned out I wanted to travel than drive so I sold it. Ha! I'm not just too excited too drive. The bf then always drives for me and if he was not around, my friends were always there. I have photos of it but can't seem to find it right now, but nevertheless it looked like this one --

And yes, it was red too! :)

No regrets as I was to tour Europe in exchange of it and I'd say the tour was way better than driving around the city. :P

After that I never had any chance to own a car. Not that I can't afford to get one, but I'm just too lazy to drive. The IT Guy always drives for me. My family and friends can give me a ride anytime. If they're not around, well, I can take a cab. I always take a cab. In fact I like it that way because I don't have to worry about parking and all.

The IT Guy has a different story though. He's a lover of cars, like most men. But that is his story to tell. And I just couldn't get the passion to talk about it. Between cars and shoes and diamonds, I'd get the shoes and diamonds! LOL

P.S. My Monday was a manic one! The Company has entered into a merger and the partner company just visited our site and that kept everybody busy.

The Value of Time

I've been saying it's the busyness that has made me neglect this site, but I guess for the most part it's me not able to manage my time right. And what might ask, just where did I get that. Oh well. Nowhere really. It's just that for the days, weeks, months and years I realize how valuable time is. Over and beyond that saying time is gold. And I will tell you why and how.

When I got so many orders for my lengua de gato, I was literally counting how much sales I'm going to make and how much my net would be. Then I made a time and motion study on how many packs we can make in a day, thus how much money you can make in a day making lengua de gato. So that when I spend the money from that project, I'm actually spending the time spent on that project and not the money itself. Ha! What an analysis.

But seriously that is so true. You spend a day's earning to buy you a pair of shoes and there goes your 8-hours. You saving up for 3 years to get that car, well, there goes 3 years of life locked up to get a car. I'm not saying this is a bad realization, just that with this one, now I'm making priorities on where to spend my time (money)...and it all goes to the things that matter most.

So what about you? How do you spend time? By the way, I no longer consider that line to be a metaphor!

Growing Up

When I was a child, I spoke as a child,

I understood as a child, I thought as a child;

but when I became a man I put away childish things.

– I Corinthians 13:11

The busyness of my life made me miss an important part of me...beyond blogging, and that is Word Filled Wednesday. I feels so good to be back here!

The past week has been quite busy but more than anything I'd say it's been full of learning experience for me...for a very short span of time I can say that I did increase some levels of maturity in as far as relating and understanding others is concern, more than anything I believe I have matured spiritually.

I am so thankful to be with WFW's wonderful community again...and I'm so excited with what others have to share.


Celebrate with us
and join us
as we share inspiring Bible verse
at Word Filled Wednesday

Screaming Into The Void

For the past days I've been uninspired to come here and write a post. I don't know why. I guess it's just another winter season in my blogging life. Or I guess it's just one of those days when we blame it to the hormones? I wish I know!

Lately I feel so beaten down. I've been having health issues again. I wrote here last time that I wasn't feeling well...and I was able to recover then. After a week it's back again and this time it's worst. My allergic rhinitis is on the loose...giving me colds, hay fever and cough. Last night I was back on my nebulizer again. If there is anything I hate, it's my asthma.

I'm trying to reflect what I've done and failed to do causing my health to be crappy again. I know I've been pushing myself the past weeks but then I've done worst before. Could it be caused by some emotional stress?! I hope not. But then I really don't know.

All I know is I feel so beaten down...inside out.

At some point I feel so alone and empty yet other times I feel the need to withdraw and just spend time with myself. I feel like shouting into the void for I have really no idea what it is that I want to let out. I wish somebody out there can hear my thoughts and can help me understand what is going on.

So for those who are wondering how am I doing...well -- Mariposa is having a less than stellar week!

Source of Strength

Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities,

in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions,

in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.

- 2 Corinthians 12:10

If there is something my Grandparents inculcated in my being this is it! My trip last week though it made me skip Word Filled Wednesday and other regular commitments I have here it afforded me more time reading the Bible. It was an immersion at work and a retreat for me at the same time. And for whatever reason I was lead to this verse several times and thus today I'm just making a shout out of what's been pre-occupying me and my source of strength over the past days.

I wish you all a blessed Wednesday!

Celebrate with us
and join us
as we share inspiring Bible verse
at Word Filled Wednesday

The Habit of Gratefulness

I just feel so inspired today! Maybe it's the Lengua de Gato and coffee...or maybe...it's another day to be grateful for and to wake up with a grateful heart is more powerful than any coffee in the world!

I am so overwhelmed with whatever I'm feeling right now and let me type quick what are the things I'm so grateful this week...

♥ I thank everyone for sending prayers and happy thoughts! I was not just so well yesterday when I did my WFW post. But with how down and confuse I was yesterday...I'd say I'm at the other end of the spectrum right now. I am just so happy it seems nothing can go wrong. Oh no...I'm not taking pills...or anything. Just my coffee and the Lengua de Gato!

I feel I've been lifted up in prayers...and I just couldn't thank you all enough!

♥ I did another set of Lengua de Gato yesterday with the Sis-in-Law and it was perfect! We got everything we wanted...crisp...melt-in-your-mouth texture...enough sweetness. People at home love it! And we will go buy some containers later and will bake more tonight. We plan to give it out to friends...Yay!

♥ I'm free the whole week so I take it as an opportunity to see friends...make that visit friends! And I'm not bringing them cakes anymore...just dessert cookies! They are way easy to carry around...LOL

♥ Mom is now better. She caught cold from the nephew last week and as sensitive as she is it complicates to cough and asthma. But thank God she is better now!

♥ IT Guy has been so supportive with me since and this past weeks he's been there with me. I'm also grateful with friends who are offering me advices on what to do with my former employer. Trust me they're not the type who makes you feel worst by adding flame to what's already been burning in my heart. It's always nice to have friends who assures you that you did fine and that whatever is happening is not your fault...not that I want an excuse or my way out...I just love to assess my situations and want honest feedback so I can better myself. Just that this time they told me to just focus on my plans...move on and not to look back. Hmmm...

♥ I am so thankful for having a very loving and understanding family! Need I say more?! ;)

♥ I'm grateful for Thankful Thursday! Being thankful everyday is great...but to actually sit and allocate time to think what are the things we're grateful for and to actually type them is a great reinforcement. This is one habit I'm grateful to have...

Happy Thursday everyone!


Please check Thankful Thursday
and together let us celebrate
all the things we should
be grateful for!

I Will Rise...

The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord,
And He delights in his way.
Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down;
For the Lord upholds him with His hand.
(Psalm 37.23-24)

My last day at work was last Monday and I'm taking this whole week as a time to rest...recharge and retreat.

Though I've tendered my resignation as early as May 4 and exerted efforts to have a smooth exit...looks like I'm still not done with my test on patience.

I do not want to turn this post into a rant but please allow me to share to you very briefly what happened as I assessment from others maybe helpful.

Last week I've made up my mind to stand on my intent to leave the Company I've been with for 3 years. After all I've tendered my resignation already and though they've asked me to extend my stay while they make their counter offer it only puts the effective date to a halt but I did not revoke it. So last week I informed the boss to make just finished the week and that's it. Though I offered my assistance 'til they find my replacement should she need anything urgent. She was nice and told me she's in desperation to keep me. It's her word. I felt awful that when she asked to stay another week and wait 'til she gets back to her office because she was at the airport then I just agreed. (I report to the Company's Director and she's based at the HQ which is located in another country.) Saturday morning the HR Manager called me to her office and told me to do immediate resignation and told me that my boss gave her instructions to do. So I took that as --I don't have to wait for her anymore...I can do my turnover and get cleared with it and move on. I informed the HR that my shift is over already and that I just overstayed for her. I told her I will let the It Department generate the list of files I have been working since that's all they need/want.

Monday morning I sent the HR Manager a message asking her what time she'll be at work and if I can process my clearance right then and there since that is customary in the workplace. She said, we can just do my exit interview but for the clearance they have to wait for the Director to get back for the turnover.

Now...that's the part I got confuse. Why hurry me on the turnover when I still have to wait anyway when I already agreed to wait! I wanted an explanation. A part of me was telling me something is wrong...they might be doing their old crap against me yet I resisted that. She called me up so flared when all I wanted was an explanation and then hanged up on me. She ended the call the way she started it -- RUDE and ABRUPT. With a follow text after that she is off my case!

Despite all I still opted to go to the office Monday evening. I went straight to the IT Department to ask them to do an inventory of my files. The advise I got from the System Admin was --

"Miss, I don't think there is a need for that since your files were already backed up since Saturday as requested by the HR Manager.

And your access is now deactivated."

Fine. I understand they have to deactivate my access. But why asked me to generate a list of files when the Company took hold of it already? Maybe she was hoping I'd delete some and then create a fuss out of it? I will not do that! Why? What for?

I have everything documented and 'til now I'm still waiting for them to reply to me as the when can I process my clearance.

It's not the first time she'd done something like that. It's not the first time she violated me. It's not the first time she violated an employee. But I ignored her because I always believe that truth and justice always win. And they always do. But human as I am I get pissed too. Am I wrong to think that she is taking me personally? If there is somebody there who wants me out it's her, yet I know she is bitter because I might be in a better workplace once I leave. Am I wrong to think that way? Am I crazy to think that she is taking me personally?

Today's verse may not give me the answer but I take comfort from it. I will not retaliate yet I will not allow myself to violated any further. I plan to seek assistance in another venue and take legal action should they refuse to communicate with me about my clearance and last pay.

I hope I did not tire you with my long and whiny post...thanks so much for your time!

God bless you all!

Celebrate with us
and join us
as we share inspiring Bible verse
at Word Filled Wednesday

Dilemma...

i wished for a raise
while praying for a new job
i got both, now what?!

Ever heard of the saying be careful with what you wish for?! Ha, better believe it because it has hit many times in my life...and damn it always hit me hard.

I mentioned last week that I got a new job. What I did not mention that my resignation was submitted as early as May 4 and has been put to a halt because my current employer is giving me counter offers.

The latest and most tempting was -- Tell me how much and what position and what else you want/need?!

WOW! Where was that when I was with you working my @$$ off too stress?! Tempting but oh well...I guess the prayer should weigh more than the wish, right? Or I'm just playing with semantics here and have really no clue on which is what...

By the way, my Local Love Friday and Friday Fill-Ins are below this post, kindly scroll down or click.


Please don't forget
to visit other
people's wonderful haiku
at A Mommy Story!

God Is Good...

...All The Time!

The LORD on high is mightier than the noise of many waters...
~ Psalm 93:4

This is one post I have been meaning to post but somehow God taught me the value of patience and faith, thus it is posted today and not many weeks ago when I wanted to.

I've been saying here for a month now that I am waiting for some good news to come...and it has arrived yesterday afternoon and I will open the package today.

No...it is not a thing delivered to me. It is something else -- my CAREER and my career options.

I've had challenges in my current job and most of you have been a witness to that through reading some of my WFW and other posts. Yet with God's grace I was able to overcome them all. Last week of April I got an opportunity to move to a new company. It's a very promising position and more than anything it will still let me do the things I love to do. I was supposed to join them mid of May but it took a bit longer for their main office in the US to process my papers...and oh boy, was it a long wait.

So many noises in my head while I was waiting. So many fears. So I decided to stood firm on my ground and see what my current employer is going to offer. It turns out they asked me to make a list of things which will make me stay. Quite flattering but not much of a good news since I've had too many concerns since I joined, and most of them is just about them letting me do my job. Then comes that conflict with a fellow manager on top of everything going on in my head. The whole time I got nothing from the new company which I'm move to but constant communication on the progress of my papers -which was "no feedback yet".

Ordinarily I was supposed to feel devastated and to wallow already, yet I felt God's hand resting on my shoulder. The loss of a friend also allowed me time to think nothing about work. I have resolved to let God give me what is best for me. I lifted it all up to Him.

Monday evening I emailed to my boss my list...it was not really a list but a plan. My plan for the company...not even for myself. I understand she was too preoccupied that moment and that we will talk about it maybe next week. Maybe. Maybe not.

Yet I was not worried, rather for whatever reason I feel so good this week. My week just started so right nothing can seem to make it wrong. So I said, maybe I will hear some good news tomorrow. Maybe.

Yesterday I got a call informing me that finally my papers are out. I have been searching the whole night on what to do. This morning I got God's answer. This opportunity is what I've been praying for. The delay was not to discouraged me but perhaps for me to trust in Him more and for me to put value on this offer as I waited for it.

I will be discussing the content of the job offer later today as well as my term for employment with them. I will go there and listen. And I am asking God one more time to open my mind and heart. Something in me has already decided. I just need to open the package and close the deal.

Sorry for the long post. I just can't help myself but bear witness to God's power and how He moved me and carried me through the past weeks.

Did you have any similar experiences? When you seem to have the answer and God seems wanted you to wait a little bit longer? I'd love to hear you from guys!

Most of all...thanks for everybody's prayers! I did not just mean last week...but every time I have concerns here I always feel your prayers working on me...and this is one of them!

God bless you all!

Celebrate with us
and join us
as we share inspiring Bible verse
at Word Filled Wednesday