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Friday, December 01, 2006

The Storm Before The Calm

I wrote this more than two years ago already...and only today, I did find the courage to post this.

Some things are hard to think about. So hard that your mind puts them away, and saves them for another day.

I feel like that day is coming, for someone so close to me...

A close friend of mine was molested by a stranger when he was young. And he didn’t tell anyone until years later. He was a almost 18 then, and that stranger was about in his 40's. It was so LONG AGO, but that didn’t change the fact that I wanted to hunt him down, but what must have happened to him to even put those thougths in his head? I could tell you that I can’t even imagine, but I can.

When he told me this a couple of years ago, he said he couldn’t remember what he had done to him, just that he knew he had done something… and to see the look of rage and anguish in his face rocked me to my core.

I have not talked about this with anyone really, because he was not ready to talk about it. But he’s said a few things to me recently that make me feel like he’s getting there, whether he wants to or not. And I’m trying to get ready for it, I need to talk about it.

Some of you may know how it is to be where he is right now, and that it damn near comsumed me. For a long time I thought repressed memories were bullshit and I guess that is what he thought all those times too. Until he had his own come flooding out of him just when he was about thirty. I always knew there was something different about him, something seemingly wrong with him, but I never knew what. I couldn’t describe it. And I didn’t want to try.

Someone special to me said this,

“the biggest predictor of resiliance through trauma isn't the severity of the incident, or the relationship to a perpetrator - but the ways significant others react to disclosure”

For those of you who are reading this, and haven’t gone through this, if someone you love comes to you with their own secret, believe them. no matter how crazy it seems.

Just believe…

I believe in my heart that he had weathered the storms...and that the sun is shining on him so brightly right now. You are one person I respect, admire so much...and that, isn't enough to describe how your couraged have awed me many times.

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