Only For Today

I’ve got the words. They’re swirling around inside my head. Problem is that they’re rather aimless in their swirling and I’m having trouble stringing them together into sentences.

So for today, no big post, no words of wisdom nor tidbits of advice. Today I just want slip into my skin and just be for a bit. I don't want to think about the numbness or the odd disconnection. I don't want to think about what needs to be done or what I should have done. I don't want to think about my next step and getting my wheels in motion.

Can I just rest my head in your lap and just be for a bit? I promise I won't do it too often or too much. I won't depend on you for longer than a minute or two. I won't bog your brain down with my words of discontent but hold my tongue and let you talk. I'll lay there and give you my energy and take a little of yours, but not too much, I promise. Just enough to get me through this day.

Today my energy is spent, my smile is hidden, my eyes want to close and I'm not sure if I have the strength to stand alone. So let me lean, k? Let me use you for my own selfish reasons and I promise when you need me to hold you up, I will return the favor.

Just not today.

Life Happens

I'm a defiant bitch. Cold and callous in my planning and future. I have no time for negative people who want to bring me down and make me feel like shit. Instead I surround myself with people who care about my outcomes and support me in my decisions. Those who lift me up and whisper words of encouragement are in my circle. Those who try to control me are quickly pushed outside of it. Those who try to deter me are useless in my journey.

I'm living my life by my rules. I dont care who likes my rules and who doesn't, cause really the only person who needs to deal with the results of my actions is me. Until you prove yourself to be a place where I can rest my weary head, you will remain at arms length. True colors always shine through eventually and when they do, Im out. Though they think they matter, they don't.

I've learned some people get off on domination. They like to take the weak and bully them. They like to try to appear larger than you, smarter than you, stronger than you, and the weak cower and obey. Thing is, Im not weak. Im not submissive. Im not scared. I've been through a lot and yet I'm still standing! I don't have a story to go with it...but just the fact that I have never been defeated...

Trust is earned, not given freely. I still bare the scars of my past and they keep me reminded of the true nature of some people.

Yeah, I'm a defiant bitch... my life showed me the way.

Are you strong enough to handle me?

Sometimes kid gloves are required.

Vey Impressive!

I find this very impressive! Need a resignation letter template?

Read the full story.

Don't Cross The Streams

If this aneurysm is meant to kill her, then she's ok with that, 'cause "she is stupid".

For as long back as I can remember she has had heartaches and troubles! Man troubles and money troubles...

Never once do I recall her being content. Never once do I recall a smile lasting longer than a moment. Never once do I recall her doing anything full.

She stands in my way, not really seeing anything...her stare is past it...she is always blank...always looking back on last nights that never were...reliving it, feeling it, wanting it to be part of her memory...to savor it for a while.

She pisses me off!

She started out innocently enough. She had just showered herself with demonic thoughts when she walked in the door...I should have not allowed her! I should have always been in the watch, for the forces of evil is everywhere...

But I let her in. Her heart jumped a little, as it always does when she knows she is winning. She just sat there and waited for him to come. She needed him. He had a way of being able to see past her eyes and inside her, making her feel exposed. She liked being exposed, but only to him. She liked letting him see all the weakness and wants. Right now she had both (or so she thought) and her eyes said it all.

In real life I'm bundled up tight. Guarded and cautious. Careful. But that just won't quell the noises. Won't end her stupidity!

I'm in control of this bitch right here, to do with whatever in the fuck I please.

And fuck with me she does..

Sometimes she's easy to silence, with distraction, and shiny objects...

But she always comes back, 'cause she's a bratty one...and nothing beats her stupudity.

I want this motherfucking stupid bitch off this motherfucking office!

My Achievement Today

Today something explosive happened in me.

Like a tiny blast of emotion. Driving home my head was spinning with thoughts and confusion.

Then an epiphany.

TV off, sit up straight, breathe... feel... understand... resolve.

I have all this static happening around me. But by sitting quietly in my room, I was able to eliminate one element.

Self doubt.