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Friday, November 24, 2006

Hope Is A Side Road

Resilient creatures, we humans are. Just when you think you cannot possibly take anymore... Just when you think there's no way you can get up and face the day. ...Just when you feel like you've hit the bottom of despair and there's no turning back....

You find a way.

As the old saying goes "Hope Springs Eternal". And it's so true. Look down, look really deeply down to that place where you invite no one. You'll find it there. 'Cause you can't kill hope. Even when you don't think it's there, it is. It sits quietly and infiltrates your most private thoughts before you realize that there is still hope within you.

If there's one thing I've learned in the past couple of years it's that we all have our own battles to fight and wars to wage. Sure, we have good times and bad times and better times but we all face something. Whether it's a marriage gone sour or a loved one facing cancer or loneliness or depression or infertility we all fight the good fight. Some days we shut down. We say to ourselves and each other, "this is it. I cannot do this anymore. I'm tired and beaten."

"But sure as the sun will rise, so will hope. It'll be a whisper at first ~ but it's there."

I write this because I have gone through more self blame, self doubt, self hate, resignation and despair than I ever thought I could handle. There are days when I want to give up, when I cry myself to sleep, when I want to forget about the whole thing but somewhere in that deep well of my soul, hope springs.

The last couple of months I've given Hope a lot of thought. I've examined it and wondered at it. Two years ago, I didn't know the deep and unbreakable hope that lives within us. I didn't understand it. I would throw the word around easily and carelessly, not truly understanding. And I still don't completely understand how hope and the human spirit are so intertwined. In the past I hoped for things like a job offer, a windfall, a phone call, a good grade... And I still do hope for the little things. But now I know the true power of hope. I understand that it really does spring eternal as well as I understand that I will have more days when I think that hope is gone.

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