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Saturday, December 17, 2005


In times like this I need to focus on the small but good stuff. Maybe if I concencrate on the little things I might just get through.

I crumpled on my drive home tonight. I do that quite often, you know. I function all day and manage to leave work in once piece. Then I get in my car and just fall apart. Today I fell into a million little pieces.

I got home, laid on my bed while trying to collect myself. Eventually I got up and checked my advent calendar. Yes, we always have an advent calendar for each other at home every year. We put there some quotes and thoughts and a little treat. Somedays it's candies and chocolates, somedays christmas stickers and what have you.

Anyway, I pulled my treat out this evening in a rather mechanical fashion [not really caring about what's inside the little pocket]. I got one of those a bit silly rubber bracelets. Remember those ones that started with the yellow LIVESTRONG bands? This one though was red and on it is one simple word-- STRENGTH.

Strength. You can just imagine. On a day when you feel anything but strong! Just when I feel so weak and defeated and can barely function...there's this bracelet.

I put on the bracelet and I cried. And in some crazy, small way, it did help. In some crazy, small way, it did give me strength.

I just might wear it for the 10 years. I hope not. I hope it becomes me. One day.

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