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Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Love Notes To All Jerks

To Whom It May Concern:

This love note is to all the people who keep asking me when I’m getting married and if I am pregnant or when I'm going to get pregnant. And to the others that keep looking at me slyly and hinting that "it’s my turn next".

First, and foremost, how can you think that my getting married and having children (or not) and family is any of your damn business? Do I hint to you that it must be about time to get your tubes tied or
go in for that vasectomy you’ve been putting off and leave your fucking partners because you are not making a life together at all?

Secondly, do not assume that I want to get married nor I want kids. It just so happens that I do, but why should you assume that? There are women out there who do not want or need to get married nor bear children. I have value whether I’m married or single, a Mother or not. Please do not define me by my decisions or my situation.

And lastly, have some sensitivity. What if I’m having trouble with my relationship and conceiving? Worse yet, what if children are not possible. Or, what if I had just suffered a miscarriage that no one knows about. (~ in case you’re wondering, that’s just hypothetical.)

How do you know? How can you assume? Maybe next time I should come up with a snide answer. Maybe I should try to make you as uncomfortable as you make me. But instead I force a brittle smile. Instead, I jokingly put you off and avoid answering your questions. Instead, I vacate the room as quickly as possible as my face flushes.

So to all you people who feel the need to elbow each other and ask me, in a room full of people, when I’m getting married and going to get pregnant….can you kindly FUCK OFF?!?



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