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Friday, November 02, 2007

It's Worth It

What I mean when I say, it's worth it.

It was nice and short-lived, very momentary yet, it leaves me with lasting memories...time was something we did not have, but we had always tried to take time in everything we did. And how I love our paradox!

I'm never good with comparisons...I never compare feelings across time, so that each moment is built to last me a lifetime. I believe, I can never go wrong with my choice of partners, or should I say,in general, I believe no one ever makes a mistake in their choice of partners.

As almost always, my choices are dictated by that essential moment in time, the way I felt then, even if they are not appropriate now. Regardless of the options I had before me, that final choice was the only one I felt capable of accepting at that single moment, for whatever reason.
So, whenever any of my affairs (oh geesh, why am I calling them such?! and do I have a lot?!) are outed, I don't bemoan them as mistakes, for to do that, is just derogatory and insulting to people involved.

Lately, for whatever reason, I have been constantly seeking happiness through personal reinforcement, affirmation, significance and value because one of my overriding need in life is to be accepted and wanted. When it is missing through a lack of attraction, being taken for granted, being ignored or simply falling out of love, I seek it elsewhere.

My actions are always dictated by one primary factor, the way I FEEL at that moment in time. Feelings and emotions control me, even when I am being detached, and that is why, no matter how upright and conservative I am in actions, some things, somehow releases my inhibitions and the feelings I try to suppress. But I cannot apologise for who I am.

The best thing I figured, is to learn from it and move on. The consequences of the choices I make, whether positive or negative, help me to shape my individual development and experience. It is thus pointless living in a land of regret, beating myself over the head because of unplanned detours I made in my life. I cannot make excuses for past action I cannot change, because the very act of behaving in that manner will have actually influenced and shaped the person I have become.

No experience in my life is ever wasted!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

This is a very interesting post...quite a revelation.