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Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Just A Little While

I'm just taking a little break. I haven’t felt like writing for days now so I’m just gonna wait this out. You know me… I go through these phases where I won’t shut up and then all of a sudden, I clam up.

Anyway, I am around ~ just quiet. I’ll be back to regularly posting soon, just not today.

Friday, May 12, 2006

Did You Know

That I am horribly ticklish?

That I'm scared to be tickled?

That breath on my neck makes me weak in the knees?

That whispering in my ear sends shivers down my spine?

That kindness will make me fall head over heels?

That I find a sense of humor terribly attractive?

That I love the smell of lilacs and citrus?

That I love to read classical books?

That my favorite flowers are white roses?

That I love going to the suburbs?

That I fear submission?

That I need fresh orange juice as soon as possible in the morning?

That I fix my own nails and do my own french tip?

That I love chewing ice cubes?

That I love to wear black?

That I don't have a T-shirt?

That I can't live without my long nails?

That I have more than a dozen of wristwatches but rarely wear them?

That I love martial arts?

That I speak Spanish?

That I love children?

That I'm scared to death if I don't get to be a Mom?

That I prefer to sleep 'til noon and stay awake to 2 am?

That around midnight is my best time to work?

That I don't get drunk?

That I love watermelon?

That I hate sleeping naked?

That I hate wearing shoes in the summertime.

That I love getting surprises?

That I say I don't like them?

That I don't scare easily?

That I have an unrealistic fear of big birds?

That I think a man's voice is one of the sexiest sounds ever?

That I want to depend on someone?

That I'm scared as hell to depend on anyone?

That I hardly ever go braless?

That I am shy? Yes I am!

That sometimes I make myself blush?

That it's almost impossible for anyone else to?

That I never make love to anyone I have just met?

That I've never had a one night stand?

That I am my Mom's best friend?

That I'm really a huge softy?

That I could never date anyone shorter than me?

That muscle bound men scare the hell outta me?

That when I go out, my back is always to the wall?

That I'm a freak about my personal space?

That I'm picky as hell when it comes to clothes?

That I buy things without knowing it?

That I spend more on my makeup than any other sutff that I have?

That I don't even get to use them all?

That I prefer mindless tv?

That I miss cuddling?

That I love to wrestle?

That I'm all talk?

That my hands are always cold?

That I have a terribly dirty mind that I keep well hidden?

That I hit like a man? Sometimes better than any man!

That though I say a lot, I barely reveal anything?

That I love to keep this blog forever?

That I couldn't think of anything to write today so I came up with this idea?

That I hope you all like it?

That I look forward to reading my comments again?

That I wish everyone a wonderful weekend?

That I can feel your love, even through this monitor?

That I hope you can feel mine too?

My Oblivion

Indifference - lack of difference or distinction between two or more things; absence of compulsion to or toward one thing or another; the trait of remaining calm and seeming not to care; a casual lack of concern

Last night as I lay in bed the word indifferent popped into my head.

Indifferent... I was never indifferent..but lately it seems I'm falling in love with that word. For indiferrence is the opposite of love and not hate. Hate and Love are quite close, but indifferent, yeah, that's the ticket.

Those old buttons don't work anymore because I'm indifferent. The old tricks don't elicit the response you desire because I'm indifferent. I no longer feel the urge to fight to get you to see my side because I'm indifferent. I don't hate you nor love you, I feel nothing actually because I have become indifferent to you.

Last night as I laid in bed indifference rocked me to sleep, and I slept better than I have in forever.

Sweet indifference, my oblivion...

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Try Again...

I have started making the list of 5...something I have commited myself to do. Yes, I decided to make a list of 5 things I love about myself....but today it is difficult to come up with my list of 5 because today I hurt. Today I am a failure. I am insignificant and insufficient and broken and useless I AM EMOTIONALLY WASTED.

There may be times in our lives when it seems like we keep having the same kinds of experiences. The situation or the people involved may be different each time, yet one experience may feel exactly like the last one and the one before that one. We may feel disappointed or frustrated and wonder why the same situations and people keep showing up in our lives. The truth is that the same kinds of experiences don't keep happening to us. After all, the circumstances and the people involved are always different. We keep having the same kinds of experiences.

And today...I see it happening again...the experience.


if he's trying to motivate me...

it ain't working...

yelling at me and telling me what i don't do and how selfish I am...

ain't working...

treating me like I'm a child...

ain't working...

because then I just get defensive, and clam up and act like a child...

I'm not changing the way I deal with him, if he wants to stay with me, he needs to change how he treats me, because what he's doing...

ain't working...

I'm already half way out the door...

my mind has already given up and my body is sure to follow...