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Wednesday, September 27, 2006


What a weird thing love is.

If it was packaged and sold, there wouldn't be a supermarket anywhere prepared to put it on their shelves. Love has -

- loads of product liability issues.
- too many returns.
- an infinite number of varieties that would need to be kept in stock.

If it was a car, nobody would buy one. Owning a Love Hybrid -

- means there is no guarantee of it firing up in the morning, then it would start of its own accord in the car park while you're in Target.
- requires you to be prepared for it to flip a bitch* without warning on the Interstate and go in the opposite direction at 100 mph.
- opens the possibility that you will spend all Sunday afternoon washing it, waxing it, and polishing it, only to wake in the morning to a rusty heap.

If love was a computer -

- it would come with five thousand page handbook, that no-one would ever read, meaning everyone would forever be making the same mistakes.
- much of the time it would sit there and stare at you, unresponsive, until you remember the special password needed to get in. Which you created when you were drunk at 1:30 am.
- at infrequent and unpredictable intervals, the hard drive would crash, taking everything with it, including essays, poetry and photographs. Oh, and all your money.

And yet it is the thing we all most desire in the world.

Me included.

*flip a bitch = do a U-turn. It's not a road-rage thing, unless you want it to be, Mister.

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