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Wednesday, August 23, 2006

I Am A Hazard To Myself

“Too bad we can’t make up our hearts like we can our minds.”

So said a friend of mine this morning.

Well damn but those words hit home with me. 'Cause you can be damned sure that my heart is often at war with my mind. What my mind might know to be true, my heart cannot quite accept.

How do I make my heart listen? How do I make it stop hurling accusations and telling me things I can’t bear to hear? How do I tell it that it doesn’t make any sense? How do I let reason win out over blame? How can my mind tell my lips to smile when all I want to do is scream?

The truth is that I am ruled by my heart and there’s just nothing I can do about it. My heart’s pain doesn’t go away just because my mind tells me that’s what’s good for me. Part of me likes to be ruled by my heart. I’m passionate. I’m fiery. I have crazy highs and lows. Sometimes I’m glad to be a woman of extremes. Sometimes making no sense is what makes the most sense to me.

But damn it all to hell, it can be painful.

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